Dinner with Charlton Hammy
WARNING- explicit content ahead
The look on his face is priceless. He looks so afraid that I fear he will wet himself if he doesn't calm down."Shhh, I don't want you having an accident on my floor. And before you get any wise ideas, just know that your suffering will be a lot worse. Think of it as if you went to hell and spat in Satan's face, don't spit on my face John." Hmm, His eyes are truly beautiful; An oceanic color that electrifies my taste buds. But, do they or do they not taste good? Mmmm, Perhaps I will fry them and sprinkle just a pinch of cilantro on top and a small side of my very own ketchup, that will definitely make them taste good! Oh, look at this! It looks like my guest is crying. "Don't cry, my sweet chocolate drop, it will all be over soon." Hahaha, am I terrible for lying? This, you poor soul, will last for days, I want everything to taste freshly delicious. Now, where are my pliers? Ah, here they are! Oh, oh goodness, this seemed to have frighten him, now he's shaking and growling like a mad dog. So, like a mad dog, I will have to put him to sleep, for now.
He's finally asleep! Now I can begin. I always love the how easy the eyes can just pop right out of the skull with just minimum effort. Hmmm, let's see, I got the oil, the flour, the salt, the pepper, the garlic, and my favorite, the Cayenne pepper, shall we begin? Ohh, the sound is lovely, like hearing the Beatles Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band on repeat. Now that the frying is done, I just need to throw in some cilantro and place some of my, soon to be, famous ketchup on the side. Finally, They are fini! I don't know much French, but I've always appreciated their culture, especially when it comes to fine dining. "DELICIOUS! Absolutely sublime!
I am so glad that I chose you, my friend, I wonder what your tounge will taste like. Or perhaps I will cut your little fingers off and make a soup! Or, I could even open up your stomach and remove your liver to grill them outside, and take your heart and roast it in my oven! Decisions, decisions. I do wonder what will taste best, I suppose there's only one way to find out!" Wait, what was that!? Who dares interrupt my dinner! BANG! "Police! Get your fucking hands in the air right now!"
HOW!? Who could of alerted them!? "Aghh! I see, it is his wife."
"Baby! Oh my God! Nooo!"
"Don't worry my dear, he's still alive, but just barely."
"You are going to burn in hell for this you fucking psychopath!" She said.
"Please, no bad language in front of my cat!"
"Take this lunatic into custody!" The policemen said.
"Wait, I want to know why, why did you do this to my husband?? Why him??"
"Well my dear, he had some delicious looking eyes."
And they were delicious indeed.