Masquerade
You can't name my face.
More like, you and you and you and you.
The four of you tempting me into this song and dance
sweeping me off my feet into the dance floor
creating your own prima
not knowing my name
Jesus, what have I to lose?
Let's ditch this ball and go somewhere brand new
twisting through the crowds, all grace and shine
grinding in the darkness, your lips on mine
Except that's not how it is
that's just my imagination
mixed with a tiny dosage of estrogen
I can't control the drugs in my body
but I hope to get you hooked
I don't really know what I'm saying
because, naturally, I don't know how to talk to the four of you
I don a mask, different for you lot
describing a name and a face that isn't mine
The chill, what do I have to lose,
for you, my athletic friend
offering over things to you that I know you'd decline
because we're like siblings, you and I
(...And perhaps it's because you know that my mask is cracked
so maybe I am losing
a piece of myself. An identity
One that screams,
"Yeah, I don't suck under the bleachers!"
And I'm afraid that you're not alright with it
when I know deep down that I am)
The wild, the braless bitc--
Not afraid of what I want to say
but what I need to say, well, I keep it quiet
because you get pissy when I don't let you do you
and that's all fine
when it's not
(At least you're easy to talk to
others would back up off me after a while
of me crying into the phone
or texting late at night for a distraction
that you're usually willing to give until you pass out.
"Night, little brother.")
The smart, the mature underclassmen,
because you're older,
even if it's just a year,
but still,
I don't know what to say
to you
or your girlfriend
("Oh, Christ--")
Th sweet, the considering best friend,
the one too many counties away
who we'd have to fight traffic for
just to meet up for an hour or more
the one you take too long to text back
but I text back immediately
wondering if you're, you know, kinda gay
Afraid that's what you might say.
(Of course, I'll still be there for you
"Every step of the way.")
©SelfTitled, 2017