Changing Habits
Chapter One
Ogden, Utah, 1965, St. Agnes School
One decision, one date, one dead man, and I'm entombed in this place. Exiled far from anyone I know. Coerced by circumstance to dress and live as a nun. My family believes they buried me. My graduate school plans vanished. My life changed because of one stupid encounter! The bell shattered Sophie a.k.a Sister Jude’s thoughts.
She pushed her chair back. Her fifteen-decade rosary attached to her tunic caught a drawer pull. Damn! You’d think I’d get use to this attached chain of beads. I hate the bindings of this outfit. The long medieval wool garb weighs heavy on my shoulders. The wimple cuts into my face and holds my head in place. Quick moments are cumbersome.
Sophie surveyed the playground through square glass and metal paned windows. Where are my little renegades? This banishment keeps me from leaving my classroom to check on my students. Another teacher attends to this joyous time.
The young woman studied the playground. A group of girls played hand-clapping games. They appeared lost in a world of rhyme and rhythm. The children amused themselves in Ogden, Utah with the same playground games I played as a child in Chicago.
"Snap, snap, snap," echoed the sound of the ropes hitting the playground’s asphalt. Agility! I envy their balance and depth perception to skip "Double Dutch."
Her gaze shifted to the north end of the playground. The boys claimed basketball nets to play H-O-R-S-E. She discovered the rest of her class engaged in team selections for "Red Rover." Sophie's heart stung as she recalled her childhood memories. Strong girls always chosen first for their strength to keep the opposing team from breaking through the line. Sophie was small for her age and seen as weak. She felt lucky if she was picked on a team.
Childhood, carefree days of fun and freedom, but not always for the oldest child in a large family. Summer days included swimming. Picnics on the boulevard, playing on the swings, monkey bars, slides, and of course hide and seek at night, but never alone. Never alone, Sophie's brothers or sisters tagged along. School and the classroom offered solitude from her family babysitting responsibilities.
A knock interrupted her thoughts. Sophie turned to see a tall nun standing with her arms folded under her scapular. "Can I help you sister?"
"Am I disturbing your prayer time, Sister Jude?"
It took a few seconds before Sophie recognized the voice.
"Nothing ever stays the same, does it?" answered Special Agent Cheryl Bond.
"I was watching the children on the playground and envying their freedom." Why is Cheryl in a habit?
Agent Bond walked to the windows without speaking. She took a chair from the first desk. Unaccustomed to the habit's yards of material, she struggled to make herself comfortable in the child sized chair.
Sophie paced back and forth. “We aren't scheduled for a 'nature walk' for another two weeks." She squinted her eyes and said, "I hope you brought some news for me. I'm tired of living in exile.” She folded her arms as she asked, "Will I ever have a life, my life? When will I be able to go to graduate school?"
Agent Bond held up her hand. "Stop pacing." The agent pulled out a chair and patted the seat. "Please sit down. I have news for you." Cheryl pulled a letter from her tunic's deep pocket.
"Sit, Sophie, we need to talk. The Agency’s concern for the safety of the sisters, children, and you increased in the last week."
Sophie sighed and sat next to Cheryl. "I thought you had news for me. The Agency reports concern about my safety every time you visit.”
"The bureau is re-examining your case and your safety is the issue. Caruso's case wraps up soon. Once it's put to bed, your status moves forward. I just got off the phone with my supervisor. He wants you to complete this change of status form. Once we finished with Dominic Caruso’s case, we can the transfer you to the U.S. Marshall's permanent witness protection program. This means a new identity, new location, and graduate school.
Sophie sat rigid in her chair. "They’re considering my case? That's wonderful!" The news overwhelmed the fugitive with the warmth of hope and freedom. Her eyes flooded with tears. “I'm grateful to the nuns at Saint Agnes. They took a scared and wounded girl and transformed her into a nun. I'll miss Mother Superior. She taught me how to speak, walk, and take on the mantle of a sister."
The Agent laughed, stretched her legs out in front of her and said, "You didn't mention living in a habit. I don't know about you, but it drives me nuts every time the Agency makes me wear this outfit. I don't wear it often, so when I do, I lay out the pieces one by one to ensure to dress properly. The stiff coif headdress is tight. My chin chafes from the cap used to cover my hair. Placing the white wimple on straight is the trickiest.”
Sophie touched her headgear, "There are days when I wish I could just walk outside without this stuff and feel the wind dance through my hair."
Agent Bond added. "You've lasted longer in this convent than some of my other cases."
"Misplacement of any part of this getup can lead to an uncomfortable day. "Sophie turned, placed her leg on a desk. She pulled her tunic up. "I hate these hideous black cotton stockings." "You're smart to put on the stockings. You'd blow your cover if you didn't wear those ghastly things."
"Yeah, the stockings itch. When the weather is hot, I get a rash on my legs. I need to stay in character, but I'd give anything to run barefoot around the convent. Living here is as confining as this habit. I miss going out to dinner, to a movie, getting a haircut, I don't want to be living like a nun all my life.”
Cheryl looked at the woman who is her longest protection case. “Sophie, are you listening to me? I asked how did you learn to tackle the habit?"
Mother Superior checks me daily. She made me sew some snaps on my tunic and scapular to insure the two articles of clothing stay put."
"The hardest task for me is the veil. Pinning that heavy black wool on the headdress with those dressmaker pins is an artistic trick. Did Mother Superior share a veil trick with you?"
"Yes, I’ll show you. I also pre-tie the rope belt. The knot cinches the belt tight."
"The habit hides someone's identity, but the weight of the garment makes it difficult to run fast. Have you been practicing running in those orthopedic shoes?"
"The habit isn't a problem. It’s these shoes. They make it difficult to run on an uneven surface. The small heel on the shoe changes your weight distribution."
“Let's hope you never need to run in this getup," added her case Agent. "Why do you think I take you for shooting lessons in the nearby woods. Your ability to defend yourself is vital. I hope our target practice sessions soothe your cabin fever. Remember, you must maintain your Sister Jude identity with these women."
Sophie shook her head. "I realize my safety is important, but I can’t shake the sorrow of the events that brought me here. I was shot. Marty is dead. Mom and Dad think they buried me. I'm cloistered in the middle of a forest waiting for the Agency to gather enough evidence. Some days, this doesn't feel real, and other days, it’s scary."
"Well, I admit, this case is unusual. If we keep you safe, the bad guys go to jail for a long time. I hope knowing that the 'good guys' will win gives you satisfaction."
"Yes, but the guilt for leaving my family is my greatest sorrow. They think I'm dead. The realization that I can never speak to any of them without endangering their lives is overwhelming. Why didn't I realize what I was getting into when I agreed to see a movie with Marty Dunhill?"
"You can sit here despairing or you can help fill out this 'change in terms' form for your case," replied her handler.
"Did you say 'change in terms' form?" A bell rang and summoned the end of lunch recess.
Cheryl slid the form back into her tunic pocket. "We'll do this later."
Sophie walked towards the classroom door, stopped, turned, and faced her protector. “So, are you coming back after school? Or are you staying the night?”
Agent Bond stood from her chair. She smiled, "I’m on my way out on right now. I won’t be spending the night, let's meet tomorrow after breakfast."
Sophie tilted her head and asked, “Let’s make this simple. You want me to stay in the convent and wait for you. Correct?”
The Agent nodded as she approached Sophie. “Affirmative, tomorrow, after breakfast?
"Tomorrow!" repeated Sophie as she walked out of the room to gather her students. Her heart and future kindled with the possibility of change. She opened the exterior doors and a gust of wind force a chill through her, “Hurry now,” she instructed her students. “That black sky announces a nasty storm. Quickly, get in before the rain starts.”
The last student sauntered in as Sophie struggled with the wind to shut the door. A bolt of lightning pummeled the playground. Her face flushed from its heat. The electrical energy erupted into an earsplitting thunderbolt. Stunned and breathless, Sophie opened her eyes and removed her hands from her ears. “What just happened?” The clouds released rhythmic rain as Sophie evaluated her status.
I’m not scorched, but the heat felt like I was being drawn into a fire. Is this an omen? My babcia (grandma) told me to fear lightning. Her little brother was playing in the field while the family was harvesting hay. Without warning, lightning came from nowhere and killed him. “Módl się wdzięczność, błyskawica jest dziełem diabła.” (Pray granddaughter, lightning is the devil.) She’d cross herself and pray each time the heavens flashed. Are you trying to tell me something babcia? Is the devil near?
Chapter Two
Pre-Dawn, Ogden Convent
"Stay down, for God's sake, stay down." Marty's last words woke Sophie from her fitful sleep. Tortured each night by the same dream, she laid tired on her cot and waited for the convent chimes to announce matins (morning prayers). Each morning I wake feeling pain from my gunshot wound. Marty’s death chills me. I sleep, but awake exhausted.
Today marks my second anniversary of living in suspended animation. How quickly my life evolved into anonymity. Sophie Janisewski no longer exists.
The unwilling fugitive opened her eyes to early morning light. My life is like pre-dawn. It is not dark, but it is filled with unknowns. It is not bright and filled with hope. I wait, protected without brightness. My life remains dusk.
Tears fell from Sophie’s eyes. Today, Mama and papa attended a mass
remembering me. My family took a trip to the cemetery to place flowers on my grave. My heart languishes because they don’t know I’m not buried there.
The reputation of grandma's rye and pumpernickel breads brought Marty to the bakery. Our first conversation started about bread. If I wasn't covering for my grandmother, my family and I would be celebrating my Master’s Degree.
The chimes summoned the convent's residents to rise and prepare for matins. Sophie never missed. The calming chants and wisdom of the Divine Office soothed her soul and mind. Praying renewed her hope in the future and life beyond these convent walls.
Tumbling out of her cot-like bed, the cold tile floor jolted her back to reality. Sophie stood in front of the small basin.