Upon Chance

To the one that got away,

I cannot put into right words how painful it is to think that you are not mine anymore. Those hopes and dreams with you are gone and it’s crushing my heart. I have to let go of that part of me, the part wherein you belong. Do not worry. I’ll be fine. I still have the dreams you’ve heard and known in me. I vow that I will achieve them even though you will not be by my side when I do. You will no longer be a part of them, a sad reality that I should have accepted a long time ago.

I apologize for being reckless and selfish. At some point, I could have done some things that you have always wish for me to do. Maybe that could have made you stay put. I was so overwhelmed by your love that I thought you’d still accept the mess that I was. I was wrong. I forgot that people change. They get tired as well. I admit that I didn’t see the changes coming. Forgive me for the things I have done that made you mad and sad, the things that had hurt you. And for the things you asked for me to do that I did not accomplish.

I miss you. I miss how you’d gave me butterflies every time you sing to me. I miss how clingy you were, checking up on me almost every second, no exaggeration needed because that’s the truth. I miss everything about you. I miss how you loved and treasured me. I miss the old you. And the old "us" as well.

I am not angry. I am hurt but not mad. I loved you, I love you still, but not the selfish kind of love, not like the love I had for you when we were still together. It is something that I can not properly or beautifully articulate into words. Only my heart knows what kind of love it is. I will never forget the memories we created and the lessons you have taught me.

I know you are happy at this time. I wish you even more happiness in the future. Someday, you’ll meet the person you have always wish to see in me. She will be gentle and kind. She will be your greatest fan every step of becoming who you really wanted to be. I had that chance but let it slip away from my hand. I might even dare to call it the biggest regret I have ever had.

Maybe one day we will run into each other. Maybe then we would be mature enough to handle such circumstances in a relationship. Maybe then we’ll figure out our mistakes. Maybe we could give it another shot. Maybe. Someday.

Until then, see you whenever the chance falls into our hands.

Always and forever,

Delilah