everything’s cool (poetry collection)

fish

Two fish circle round each other

Deftly they swim and play

They slip on each other's skin

And joyfully waste the day.

One of the fish cannot seem to see,

And for reciprocated love he still tries

But the other is only admiring his own reflection

In his companion’s glassy eyes.

any drug

I would do any drug you gave me

But I'm not sure anything

Could bring me as high

As your skin against mine

Or the stars in your cool brown eyes

part of me

What I'm about to say

Might sound quite pretentious

And I hope you will forgive me.

For I simply want you to know

That I'll make love to you with words

And I'll share my deepest thoughts

I don't think she'll ever love you like that

And of you she won't write a single thing

She'll take plenty of pictures

And talk about you endlessly

But I would never show you off,

How immodest it would be...

For you are simply a part of me

best friend

My best friend: what I say

is completely true,

There’s nobody who gives the cold shoulder

As chillingly as you.

But there's just no one who knows me

As deeply as you do,

And when you won't speak to me

Or something’s gone askew,

I wouldn't trade my closest friend

For anybody new,

Because even when you're mad,

You're you.

the lake

If I hid my scars any longer

I wouldn't be able to swim

And today, I felt just a bit stronger

Though the lake still reminds me of him

It was this same cold water

Where one summer night we

Swam circles 'round each other

And I thought he might love me

But today I swam alone

And listened to the sun

"Your scars, they'll find a loving home,

Even if his is not the one."

what I’m not strong enough to do for you

Oh young soul, you must be new

Let me take your hand and help you

I will show you what I’ve learned to do and not do

I will try to help you live with ease and truth

Please don’t break any more hearts

Just mine will do

everything's cool 

To you I’d rather be a passing thought

Than pass you in the hall with my eyes low

In hopes of missing your careless hello

In hopes of keeping my heart beating slow.

To you I’d rather be someone you miss

Than someone who’s standing right beside you

Not quite far enough from your eye’s kiss

Not very far from another you’ve kissed.

To you I’d rather be close only in

The memories you keep hidden within.

I am tortured by our proximity

Because you want nothing to do with me.

Closeness I will passionately evade

For it was passionate closeness that made

You loathe your friend who always carried you

Made you seek another body to prove

What I supplied, could be supplied to you

By someone who could actually handle

The truth that you granting love doesn’t

Grant the joy of being loved by you. But,

Sure. Yeah, I guess everything is cool.

If I could choose, I’m not quite sure whether

I’d ask for your body or just our voices together

I wouldn’t deny my lips your sweet treasure

But the sound of your laugh in my ears might be better

I miss my friend who always had something to say

I miss the times we’d spend the whole day

I know we’re close, and it’s getting late

And maybe it’s good that I’m feeling this way

I’ll be able to handle life when we leave,

Because without you I guess I’ve learned to breathe

I wish I could say the latter was really true

I wish I could say I don’t ache for you

But I’m here, again, putting it out there

Praying that this might make you care

Because it wasn’t enough for me to lay my shit bare

I guess it wasn’t enough for me to rip out my hair

I punched my pride in its nose and kicked my sore heart

We stopped talking and I just wanted to start

But my courage was short and it wasn’t enough

All you could muster was, “You miss me? Tough.”

And yeah I miss you much, you’re standing right there

I miss you so much, you don’t seem to care

Let me drive you home, let me stop and stare

I’ll say just one time, act like I don’t care

I miss you so much, I miss your brown hair

I miss you so much, you don’t seem to care

Put my shit on the line, it’s all out there

You put up walls to hide behind, I’m scared

To miss you so much, you don’t even care

Miss you so much, wanna kiss you so much

Hate you so much, but you don’t give a fuck

What did I do, do I not have your trust?

What can I do to make you give a fuck?

I’m slipping away and you won’t even look

I could fill pages, I could write a whole book

And yes I miss you like that

But if you give me one thing

It’s your friendship I want back

cardinals

two red birds caught my eye

right by that spot where together we flew

and you came so close to revealing the truth

like those two red birds we were so content

until you realized that you wanted different

I’m no expert

on the conversations of birds

but I know one thing to be true

those birds will simply never say

“I can’t love you, because you’re red too.”

replacement friends

It hurts to see you with your replacement friends

But I’m really tired of trying to make amends

I guess I never thought that we would end

But I understand too well the message you’re trying to send

Did you really have to bring them to that place?

Did we really have to be there on the same night?

Did you really have to hide your fucking face?

Make it seem like we’re in some big fight?

You came over to say hi, but not to me

Maybe you brought them for them to see

Your shitty past, how much you upgraded

Or the shitty friends that you’re glad to have traded

You can avoid my eyes all you want

But you’re not fooling anybody, it’s clear what you want

I wish I could just do you a favor and get out of your way

And trust me, I’m counting down the days

Until you are free and I won’t have to see

How your personality bends, for your replacement friends

she really is so beautiful

She really is so beautiful and I’m

Happy that you found her, you still have time

You seemed happy when you got out the car

Even in blue night she shines like a star

Her skin was glowing, her voice seemed to sing

I can’t be mad at her, can’t feel a thing

I live like a ghost, like a fading light

You brought her to my house, I couldn’t fight

And I forgive you, I do understand

I know breaking my heart you never planned

I sit and look at her as I hear you

Laughing, hopefully feeling something true

I still have songs that I want you to hear

But she’ll find them for you, they’ll reach your ear

I know now that you are no longer mine

It’s hard to watch, but I know I’ll be fine

I wasn’t expecting her to be so

Beautiful, but I guess I should have known

I have to find joy watching from afar

Have to be fine when she leaves in your car

I have to be warm alone in my bed

Have to get these voices out of my head

I’m lucky you found someone so lovely

Makes it hurt less, because I know that she

Deserves you and I know you deserve her

You deserve all the beauty on this earth

somebody will, someday

somebody will, someday

they’ll look at my hands

they’ll look at my hair

the way I look at yours

somebody will, someday

want nothing more than to go to a movie with me

to wear a costume to a party with me

to get higher than the clouds with me

somebody will, someday

live a beautiful life with me

change the world with me

create a family with me

somebody will, someday

but it’s you I want, today.

untitled, unfinished 1

Were we really made to sleep alone?

Do our bodies fit together so perfectly

for no reason?

Was your skin made to reflect

The sunlight coming through my window

So beautifully

for no reason?

glass

What an awful and impossible task

I cannot clean all this shattered glass

By myself, and so now I just bleed

All these pieces are pieces of me

an ode to my complete avoidance of conflict

I like to believe that I’m a man of peace,

Like to believe, on life, I’ve a unique lease.

For it’s true what they say; I won’t ever fight,

But so far it’s worked out and I feel quite all right.

I’ll continue holding my grievances back

Forcing them down to stay on a pleasant track.

A deliberate denier of discord,

Any confrontation leaves me feeling abhorred.

This part of my character I truly love;

Never passive, pacifism sets me above.

I have never questioned whether I’m in the right

For the part of me that does,

I refuse to fight.