The day Lonely Left me Alone.
I used to feel lonely with my friends around.
Funny, 'cause I would laugh and smile where appropriate (and not).
They weren't the best of friends...
they were actually pretty toxic friends.
so I left them. (dramatic pause)
I should have felt great. I should have felt independent and invincible. I was standing on my own. That made me strong an everyone would see. right?
Right. For the first week anyways. then I felt lonely.
Did I have a mutated loneliness that haunted me with or without people?
No. that was the realization. Loneliness wasn't a physical condition: fixed by company.
Lonely is the cavity. The feeling of a cavity rather; constantly nagging at you like a toothache. I hole must be filled. What is this hole?
I tried filling it with books and deeper conversations and found the antidote by accident; Peace with my own solitaire company.
I had to not fear Lonely, but love lonely back into myself. Lonely was a person in me who had been holding on to the fear and resentment of not being fully understood.
Lonely was a thing in me that longed for MY Love of MYSELF
Lonely was the soul in me crying for my company, like a child pained at being ignored by a parent. Lonely was the illusion sold to me by the media that suggested I should have 1 million friends and plans every night.
Lonely had a cure.
I was Loneys cure.
So I started talking to myself
(You'd be surprised what you say when you're not pretending)
I started asking myself questions like I was on a date
or befriending someone in elementary:
What's your favorite color? Why is it? What music do you like?
One day I awoke to my silence.
and not Lonely.
Lonely faded away with the night..
Well I...I was simply Alone.