Hilarious One Night Stand.

The one-nighter that really stands out was with this guy who turned out to be gay. It went from awkward to weird to "why am I here" real quick.

Awkward: I spent half an hour listening to him talk about an unrequited love interest with this guy (ironically who is my current husband...). Then switched to how he loves p*ssy. I just smiled awkwardly.

Weird: In order for him to be aroused, he had to watch a funny cartoon. He chose Futurama. He laughed during foreplay while staring at his laptop screen as he rubbed my sensitive spots. What really took the kick: Zoidberg's screeching and whooping.

Why am I here?: Finally went to his bedroom.  He couldn't get hard. I tried everything I could think of: handjob, rubbing against him, etc. "Hey I got an idea!" he says as he stands on the bed. I thought he wanted a blowjob. Instead I had him slapping his penis on my head....

Nap time!: He finally had gotten hard. He bent me over the bed. One thrust! Two thrusts! Thr- he pulls out and spills his essance onto my back. It took two minutes. After that he kissed me and went to take a nap. I got dressed and left to work without telling him. We never spoke again until I accidentally started dating his bestfriend.