Character Description

Not sure where this one is going yet, but might as well enter it into the record ;)

“Moving Like the Speed of Sound, Can’t Stay in One Place”

She didn’t normally do this. It wasn’t like her to leave. She wasn’t the type of person to cross the threshold into the night without a word of goodbye. However, she knew she couldn’t go on this way anymore. She didn’t know where she was going, but she knew she couldn’t stay here. She didn’t want to be here anymore. She couldn’t.

She had never required much to be happy. She didn’t need a big, fancy house, nor is that what she got. A two-story white house, still outfitted with asbestos siding, that for obvious reasons should no longer be there, and windows that were anything but energy efficient. For all its flaws, she didn’t necessarily hate the house. However, the house wasn’t what she was really leaving behind.

She didn’t think that she would be gone for good. She didn’t want to leave behind her kids, her husband, her dogs, at least not forever. She just couldn’t think straight living under that roof tonight. She didn’t know what else to do.

She backed out of the driveway, without turning her lights on until she reached the end of the block. She didn’t even have the benefit of a predetermined route, so she decided she wouldn’t go west, which would be her normal route. She headed east, and she didn’t look back.

She wouldn’t look at her reflection in the rearview mirror for fear of what she would, or maybe wouldn’t see. She wasn’t short, nor was she exceptionally tall. She wasn’t fat, though she was far from skinny. She didn’t have perfect skin, though everyone always told her she looked like a porcelain doll. She wasn’t ugly, but she couldn’t admit she was beautiful either. She wasn’t stupid, but she didn’t feel very smart either. She could list off more things that she wasn’t, as opposed to things she was. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t help but think of all the ways she just wouldn’t ever be enough.

She didn’t bring much in the way of luggage. The bags she threw in the backseat of the old SUV she hadn’t driven for more than two years, contained nothing more than some clothes, toiletries, and her bag in which she kept her school work, laptop, and some art supplies.

With no plan in mind, she didn’t think about where she was driving, she just let her body and mind operate on autopilot. Her thoughts automatically reverted to the mantra of doom and gloom that had been going on in her head for the past several weeks. She was paying attention to her driving, yet remained unaware of her surroundings.

It was no more than an hour ago we she decided she couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t necessarily feel good about her decision, she couldn’t help but compare herself to her unpredictable and undependable mother. Yet, she also felt as if though this decision could not be undone. She couldn’t just go back home now, even though she was sure that no one was aware that she was gone, and probably wouldn’t know until morning.

She didn’t understand how she could go on living a life that was so different from the one she planned. She had not given in to being weak since her children were born. She hadn’t let her mask slip, she hadn’t once let herself consider letting her walls down, to allow the chaos inside bubble over. Looking back, maybe she should have. Maybe she shouldn’t have remained a pillar of stability, the center of her family’s universe.

She knew if she stayed there tonight, there would be no coming back from the decisions that were threatening to destroy her. Although leaving was rash, she couldn’t imagine it could be as bad as ending it all. She didn’t think she had the guts to do that, and she hated the idea of suicide, but she was running out of time in the life that she was living.