Unbearable Allowances

How do I feel what you cannot? Feeding off the energy that bleeds from everyone around me; in large crowds it is nigh an unbearable allowance; that of a tormentous tumult of raging emotion that causes a consistent and ever-persevering feeling of self depreciation.

How can I feel what you cannot?

I feed off the energy that rises from the pores of your blemished skin. Its' grip is as sweat to the forehead during a 97 degree day on the Carolinian coasts,

where the heat is unforgiving and the salty water-laden air clings to everything it touches,

permeating to permanence;

it has become an integral part of the world with which it has affected.

I feel the tears before I see the faces, 

before my eyes can trace the waterways of salty tributaries that mark the skin as they

fall down from the cloudy eyes of their stormy masters. 

Why do I feel the sorrowful more than the uplifted? 

you are that of a bright neon sign, flashing it's message in jarring and gaudy lit words.  

"I am the downtrodden"

the blind are more in number than that of the physicality of the observational;

an observance only made by the wide-eyes of the experienced

How can I see, feel, and understand what you cannot?

perhaps by the allowance of myself to observe the refusal of your potential perception.

To see you falsify the world around you; a conformity of the comfortably blind

the ignorance of self dehumanization

to allow myself to bear witness to your self destruction

is an unbearable allowance. 

I wonder how much longer I can allow myself to bear it.

*I take my last sip of my grande Starbucks coffee, throw away my cup, and leave the room behind me; entering the world outside of which I observed from behind the glass windows that faced 57th street. My hands are shaking; I wonder if this is it from the coffee or...