Away
I've been away too long, the words resounding in my head,
Although my body functions, it feels like I am dead.
You get louder each day, an echo in the corridor of my brain,
Of course the neighbors hear it, I'm not going insane.
You blame me, for it all, when it was you that made the choice,
My opinion and emotions were not allowed to have a voice.
I'm watching with fear as my hopes fade away, the dream awash in red,
You see when I am sleeping, I dream bloody frescoes in my bed.
I finally have the impetus to follow my passion and joy,
But you hold me back, you mock me and tell me it's a ploy.
You tell me I'm worthless, an idiot, too trusting - naive-
But because I stopped talking you can't see how much I grieve.
You have lost all hope and are filled with anger, the kids can see it too,
I want so much to run away, far, far from you.
Restrictions based on your far right ideals make it hard for me to find
Employment in my chosen field, I'm being left behind.
I cry alone, and have come to see that I need to shut myself up once more,
You irritate my friends and they won't come here anymore.
Isolated from my family, a poor future is all they see,
I'm constantly told what I should do, but they don't understand the real me.
They have all gotten their heart's desires, allowed to pursue their dreams,
While I was the guinea pig, pushed along, a test subject , it seems.
I am to blame because I let myself be pushed and prodded by their advice,
They always knew what was best for me, so I followed, but now pay the price.
In search of a job to pay my bills, and put some away to be free,
But at every turn I am "overqualified, not the right fit, or to old " for the job I see.
I've been told lies right to my face and the interviewer cannot see,
That the job is my salvation - the beginning of the road to be free.
Alas my time is running short, and I hear your thudding upstairs,
Screaming, pounding and shouting profane - to intervene I won't dare.
You joke about your health, heart attacks, strokes and now cancer -
But you must be under the luckiest star since you heal so much faster.
The sad thing is you use it as a crutch, to explain why you sleep until noon,
You were supposed to provide, be a friend and a love and instead I talk with the moon.
Yes you were mad last week when I quit my inane job that didn't even cover the rent,
The fact that I was being abused didn't make you blink - only thinking of dollars and cents.
I wish you'd leave or die as you threathen each day,
Don't worry I'll figure it out.
I feel you're a crutch that's keeping me trapped and
I'm ready to move on, though scared, to the next stage,
Where I determine my path, have a voice and some clout.
So fellow prosers, you see why I've been gone,
Too much has filled my mind. And though all the words are
floating about, it's hard to pen them in rhyme.
I need a new beginning and I have to break out of this rut -
I hope the new years finds me a job, freedom and maybe,
just maybe my words will leave their mark.