swollen
and she called me "stupid" again today, and i cried again today, but not until she hit me again today, all before i bruised again today.
i felt that knot again today, the one that starts in my fingertips as she reaches over to punch me in the shoulder blades. it comes and goes every few days, but it's more difficult to let it go and drift away today.
she pinched me again today, and she punched me again today. and her words cut me again today, a little deeper than all the other days. and today the knots grew up in my finger tips and spread to my shoulder blades and all throughout my face in every single overwhelming way.
she called me a "whore" again today, she told me that my ex boyfriends only loved me for one thing. she doesn't realize i've never given anyone that thing, i've never even thoughtful about it for one single day. the knots developed in my fingertips again today, developed a little stronger in a lot of ways. it spread into my toes today, so painful that it nauseated me a little bit today. it took a little longer for me to get it to go away.
she punched me again today, told me i was worthless again today. she used all the right words to make me feel like the worst thing on this Earth today. I felt like shit again today. those tingling knots came up in my fingertips again today. i couldn't push them away today. they spread to my stomach and took over every cell in every place. i couldn't get it out today. i fell to the floor in wretched pain. and i said the words i've been fighting for so many days. i told her she was disgusting, to look at her own face. that painful hatred took me over and made me swollen with massive hate. now i feel the feelings she feels toward me and i feel the hate she must feel every day, and i hate myself and i say i'm sorry for the words i said today. and she said, "it's okay." but she didn't apologize to me today. and it's all my fault again today, just like every other day.