[11:08 pm]

hey

how have u been?

okay.

u?

well it's been

going.

mostly work and

stuff.

yeah.

me too.

I heard from tom

that u got married last week.

congrats, man.

thanks.

sarah has been

really good for me.

wish I could've made

the wedding.

you know how

work is.

anyway

sarah is a lucky girl.

more like

I'm the lucky one.

I don't know what I

would do

without her.

...

what?

...it's nothing.

what is it?

no srsly. it's nothing.

fine.

I won't push u.

look, it's just...

do u love

her?

sarah?

...why?

look,

it's nothing.

forget I said anything.

why r u asking?

it's stupid.

forget it.

...fine.

I don't need to ask

anyway.

why?

because I already know

what ur going

to say.

fuck u.

what?

it's true.

fuck u!

u don't know me!

u never did!

r u kidding me!

I know u like the back of my

fucking hand!

yeah right!

u never let me

in.

u always had this

fucking wall

between us.

like u were so afraid

of what I might find

if u let yourself go

even just a little.

fuck u!

of course I was afraid.

I didn't want u

to hate me.

as if I could fucking hate u.

I was in love with u.

the only one I wanted

was u.

we werent even

happy.

of course we were!

no

think about it.

were we really

happy?

hiding from everyone?

tucking ourselves away

from the rest of the

world?

...I was happy.

...

I was the happiest I've

ever fucking been.

and eveything else

these past six years

has been shit

in comparison to how

I felt with u.

look

we couldn't have

stayed like that

forever.

it wasn't just the

two of us.

what about our parents?

my mom has always talked about

grandchildren

since my dad died.

how could I break her heart

a second time?

u can't please

everyone.

u can't make everyone happy.

what about u?

u used to talk about

kids

all the time.

even with me.

...you would have been

enough for me.

don't fucking lie to me.

u always wanted something

more

than what we had.

and u always wanted to be

normal

deep down.

u wouldn't admit to me

or to urself

what u really wanted.

why didn't u talk to me?

why didn't u ask me what I wanted?

because I know u.

I was always watching u,

even when we were

little.

I know when ur about to

sneeze

or cry.

I know when you're stressed,

your forehead crinkles,

but only on one side of your

nose.

I know what your hair

smells like

and I know that you have a scar on

your arm

from when you saved me

from that stray dog

back when we were nine.

I know u

because I always loved

you.

I wanted u to be happy.

...what should I do now?

what?

if you know me so well,

then tell me what the fuck

am I supposed to do

now.

...I don't know.

we're not who we were

then

anymore.

you know what?

what?

ur right.

I didn't know u.

and u never knew me

either.