Get Away

I thought I knew you, I once loved you… now the thought of you makes me want to run. “Get away” I yell in my head. I felt so much towards you… I felt free when I was with you. Free from the stress of life dragging me down to the bottom of the ocean. The ocean was just my life, trying to make others happy when I’m dying alone… doing everything my brother does just to make my parents proud… keeping in my demons so I don’t turn into my sister. Everything... I try to make others happy so I don’t feel useless in the world. I do everything he does so my parents can say “I’m proud of you, you have done so much you should get a break.” and… and keeping my demons inside so I don’t lash out. I’m not perfect, I’m not happy about myself, I wish I wasn’t here, I’m useless… all these demons just making me want to end it all! I hide them because I’m told “She is a mess, but you are the second chance.” Is that supposed to make me happy. I’m the daughter you don’t want to mess up and you want to be like her brothers. If I’m your second chance why didn’t you protect me?