I feel I’m being followed... for a couple of months now.
And no, not by the “bad guys”, not the terrorists, a secret agent sent from the government... or my ex. No. It’s a girl I have been seeing all over town. A young woman in a rainbow scarf, and no matter what the weather, she always wears it... only the material changes. It’s a thick woolen scarf on the winter days and a light shawl on the days that are filled with the sun and heat... that’s when I first saw her, about 4 months ago. It was just a glimpse at first, as I headed through the park.
She stood by the pond and was staring at her own reflection in the water. I would give her more thought but was in a hurry and had to get to work on time. I had a photoshoot to plan for the day and was already behind with everything. Lately, I couldn’t find the time for anything, always running, always in a hurry. So I just walked by, no longer thinking about the girl in a rainbow scarf.
Until the next day and the day after that. I kept seeing her all over the place.
When I bought coffee in the coffee shop when I tied my shoelaces near the metro...
when I was leaving work and she was sitting by the fountain, looking at the surface of the water, somehow intrigued by the view, as if she was surprised by what she saw... like her face in the water fascinated her... as if she had never seen it before.
But I was always rushing, I could only allow myself those little glances, or maybe I didn’t wanna know why I saw her everywhere.
Why suddenly, she was a part of my life... or the background of it anyway... then after three months I started to see less and less of her... that’s when I started to actually look for her as if some part of me was missing from the picture. It took me more time,
but I somehow I managed to still find glimpses of her, realizing I never really saw her face... just the sides of it. A half smile, a profile.. those brown shinning curls that landed softly on her back. The sweet aroma of strawberries, whenever I was too busy to look.
And the always present rainbow scarf. All those tiny things that made her who she was.
The intriguing girl that seemed to follow me everywhere I went, even if I couldn’t see her. I started to take my time with everything. I made time. I let myself breath deeper, slower... and when I took photos, I saw more in my lenses... I saw how the light reflected on different surfaces, I noticed strangers smiles and took their pictures just because I wanted to, not because I had to and my work required it. And I think somehow her presence made it happen. She slipt from my background to the main star of the show.
She made it better. Even if I didn’t even know her name or the sound of her voice.
Yet she filled my heart with ease and joy that I had been looking for such a long time.
She made me stop and wonder about the world.
One afternoon, on a cold winter day, when I was walking slowly back home, finally enjoying the view and not just walking past it, I saw her. She was by the pond again, the surface almost frozen, only some parts still reflecting the objects that got close enough...
That’s when I saw her, staring at it in amazement and yet with some sadness as if she was saying goodbye to it. I frowned and came closer slowly as if she was some mystical creature or a deer in a forest. I took my time. One small step at a time.
I thought I was quiet but she saw me or just heard my presence...
She lifted her head and looked right at me, her stare digging into me and touching my being. I took a deep breath, my heart starting to pound against my ribcage. I felt cold and hot at the same time as if something strange touched me from inside. A certain slant of light, a forgiveness. Like there was nothing more to be afraid of. I stare at her and start to open my mouth to say something. She stops me by lifting her arm, silencing me and holding me in place. The rainbow scarf flowing in the air.
She smiles at me and I catch my breath. She’s so beautiful. Deep blue eyes staring at me with kindness... and then she mouths something... I furrow my eyebrows again and try to read from her lips. My eyes widen as I understand her.
“Today... it will happen today”
I hear a crack behind me and turn around, but there is nothing there. Just an empty park, the temperature in the air dropping fast. A very cold day indeed. I look back but she’s gone as if she was never there in the first place. As if everything that happened was just in my head. In my imagination. I stumble back and start to think if maybe I should take up on some medication. Because something was definitely wrong here.
I leave the park in shaky hands and reach the sidewalk. Passing the street, not even noticing when the green light changed to red. I hear a loud screech and see a taxi cab come near me with speed. My eyes turn wider again as the car runs into my and causes my body to jump in the air... I roll back on the ground, as my body bangs against the hard concrete surface. I lie there in strange position, something warm running down my face, I close my eyes to scared to even look. I feel weak, everything turning so cold...
I hear my heartbeat... as it slows down... all the noises around me fading. I breath slower and slower, thinking:
“Is this it? So this is how it ends?”
As all the world fades away to oblivion, I hear the voice that I always wanted to hear, the voice that was in my head for the past four months. I smile as it fills my head, warm delicate fingers touching my cold hand.
“It’s okay, I am here. Don’t be afraid”
I open my eyes slowly and see a light. A light so bright it erases everything else. Yet it does not hurt my eyes.
“I was wondering where you were, I am never without you”
“Shhh... you have lost a lot of blood but it will be okay. You’re going to be okay, I promise”
“I’m not going with you?”
I ask, suddenly understanding who she was, or maybe I knew it all along. Maybe I knew that there was an angel looking over me all this time.
“No, not yet my sweet. They said I could still keep you and watch your beautiful life”
I look at her and smile. The light fades away and I see her face full of wonder. She is so beautiful, not just her looks but everything about her, as if she possesses a light of her own. And I know its true. She is the brightness that lifts the dark. My personal, kind light that is always with me and forever it will stay.
“And what made them change their minds?”
“You. And your new found love for this world. I started to notice the beauty of it and what really mattered”
She says and touches the place’s where my heart is. The warmth of her hand breaking through the material and filling me with her kindness.
“What is your name, my angel...?”
″Why, didn’t you know? I am your Grace”
She says with a smile and my heart starts to expand, wanting to be filled with all the love that I have for this woman. For my angel. I touch her scarf and stare at her questioningly. Her smile turns mischievous and I can see a certain spark that I haven’t noticed there before.
″To remind you, that life is filled with so many colors. Not just the greys”
″Thank you, my Grace... my sweet angel. Never leave me please”
“Oh, I plan to stay for a very, very long time”
Music inspriration : Birdy “Not about angels”