Last Seconds

One second. That’s all it took for me to throw everything away. That’s all it took for me to ruin everyone’s lives. That’s all it took to be gone. Life’s hard. There really isn’t a point to it. You live, you die. That’s all. There is nothing more for us on this Earth. Who would want to stay? I know I didn’t. I know this isn’t what you expected to find when I called you here. I know this probably wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I have never liked being the center of attention- why start now? I’m actually proud of myself. I kept my voice normal on the phone. I told you I love you without getting choked up. I have ended everything. There is nothing left to do. I can pass peacefully now. I’m sorry for any pain this causes you. I know I said that already. I just need you to understand that I mean it. I really, really mean it. I am doing this for myself, yes. I am doing this because this world makes me so unhappy I can’t stand it for one more second. This isn’t because of you. Don’t you dare blame yourself. It was bound to happen. Even you couldn’t keep me alive. It isn’t your fault. I am ready to leave. I have to leave. You have to understand. You will join me someday. We can be together again someday. Today isn’t your day. Today, I want you to find happiness in all this knowing that my soul is finally at peace. Smile. I’m happy. This day should be a joyous celebration. I know I’m doing the right thing. Goodbye.

By the time I got there, it was a second too late. I heard her scream. I heard her final moments as I struggled to get the door open. The stupid key wouldn’t go into the hole. I didn’t make it. I had to listen to her take her last, ragged breaths through the door. She was gone in seconds. I found her note. She was crazy. It doesn’t matter what she thought. She was wrong. She said this world had nothing in it for her. What about me? Was I nothing to her? I loved her. Now she’s gone. Crazy. I can’t be happy. I can’t understand why she did what she did. There was no reason for it. Why couldn’t she just stay? If not for herself, then for me. I needed her and she just threw it all away. She threw my happiness away. If I had just gotten there sooner, I could have saved her. If I had never gotten mad… If I had never left… she could be safe in my arms right now if I could learn how to control my temper. But it doesn’t matter now. She’s gone forever. And it’s all my fault.