Thoughts from the declined

Alright, so that’s it then? Time to settle I suppose, because life’s taken me so far I can’t think and my minds barred, my thoughts flowing, I’m tired of it, because the more it does, the more it realizes the life I’m in and I feel within that it’s sickening,The more I think about where I am, the further it disappoints where I was going, a place that was glowing, a place that I once knew like it was where I had been forever but now it’s gone, and unfortunately it had been remembered. I can’t fathom the consequential depths of where my failures are taking me, because I can’t go any further. I can’t go any deeper, because what’s deeper to someone who’s never seen it? What’s deeper to someone who never dared to dream it? What’s deeper can’t be more pain because the pain I’m in is incomparable, but that’s just it I have nothing to compare it to.

To say I’m scared of the path I’ve taken would be an understatement, a sick, twisted reminiscence of the life I lived only serves to lower me, because I’ve seen the heights of where I once was, and the heights of where I once was, now, are too far to see. I suppose non-hyperbolically that I’ve fallen off. The climb back up looks inconceivable, and my desire to attempt it is vapid, because when I do fall off again it’ll be just as harrowing, but at least I’ll have mapped it.

At the same time, I wonder what’s deeper, this route is like a drug, I yearn for it, and the Pain is like a teacher, I learn for it, because the more I seem to learn, the more that this all hurts, and when you see a route to a potential polish, and you fail to do, that’s detrimental knowledge, and it’s failed you.

Maybe these are life’s so called peaks and valleys, and I hope so. But from the peaks I could see all the valleys, and from where I stand, I don’t see peaks, i just see the balance of a world where we all peak and move to lesser mountains, just to pursue what we once knew, because we can’t live without it, but what we once knew is in the past, but we can’t accept it the future, as it’s grim and vast, but may as well go forward, as I haven’t gassed, because if I can feel this pain, I know my emotions last.