Why

I don’t remember it very well

I was only 5

But when I close my eyes I see you screaming

I’m not scared of you

I’m scared of myself

You gave me so much pain and anger

You said sorry

You couldn’t even look me in the eye

I don’t think you care

I want to ask you why

Why did you do it so many times like it was normal

Why did you put me through so much pain

I still blame myself

I am now 15 and I still ask what did I do wrong to make you hate me

My counsellor says I am very strong

But I’m not

I’m just good at hiding that I am dying inside

That I am scared of what I could do if I let it all out

I want to ask how do you still look me in the eyes and pretend it’s okay

I hurt myself in my sleep now

I am scared I will turn into you

I can’t say I hate you because I don’t

I don’t feel anything towards you

I just want to know why.