He cares

I expected bruises and I got them. Nothing new. The deep purple and intense green spreading across my skin. I was used to it by now. To the stains on my body, to the pain in my muscles. Just another day with him, another passing moment of our relationship. Our life together. Of our love as he called it.

Sweetheart, I told you not to anger me. Don’t you know how much I love you? Why would you disappoint me like that?

I didn’t have an answer to that. I just wanted his love. The way it was once. The time when his hand wouldn’t lift so high. Before him hitting me, wasn’t the only sound that I heard. The only music of my day... I stare at him and try not to move. I cross my arms so they don’t shake. So he doesn’t smell my fear.

He likes it too much, it gets him all riled up.

I asked you a question. Do you want me to repeat?

He pushes me to the bed and I fall. I don’t put up a fight. I don’t complain.

That would only encourage him. He enjoyed a challenge. This little game of the cat and the mouse. I watch him as he comes to me slowly. Step by step. One short breath after another. I look down at my bare legs. I look at the stains that have already turned yellow. I think that I am going to get new ones. I think that I will need to hide it better under thicker stockings. He didn’t like when people noticed. I cover my face and wait.

He comes closer and strokes my face with the tips of his fingers. Gently. Slowly. With attention. I wait. I am not fooled. His hand lifts. A slap. One time, two, three, four, five, six, seven... I move my tongue to feel the inside of my mouth. The taste of fresh blood fills me. It tastes like metal. Like home. Like my prison.

Baby, don’t disappoint me again.

He lifts me up by my throat and lifts me up in the air. My toes dangle in the air. I try to catch my breath. I groan. Yet I am not scared. This isn’t the first time and he loves me.

He would never really hurt me. My fingers slide against his hands, lightly, like a caress. I run out of air. My vision gets blurry. I count. One, two, three, four... the grip loosens up.

I fall to the floor.

See what you made me do? You won’t do it again? Will you sweetheart?

I clear my throat but nothing comes out. I gasp for more air. I can’t say anything so I just shake my head. It’s enough for him. He touches my ankle and moves it up to my thigh. I try not to flinch. He pats my torn skirt and smiles softly. He gets up and walks to the door.

That’s a good girl. You make me so happy.

He walks out. He locks the door. I hear him take out the key. I look at the mess around me. I was making dinner before. I forgot to throw the garbage away. I lay on the bed and wrap my arms around my body. I won’t disappoint him tomorrow.

...