Miss Little Did I Know

I’m beautiful and I’m smart only in my dreams. I tend to think I don’t exist in this world because nobody wants to sit beside me in school even at church where religious and friendly people should have been. They are all just the same, they don’t like who I am. Maybe my looks are hideous? Maybe they don’t like how I wear? I don’t know. But one thing is for sure I am alone in this world. I have no friends. I actually tried having one back then but I ended up getting bullied for the whole semester. I ended up getting labeled as a weirdo because I get very nervous when I talk to people. And so I never attempted to do it anymore ever.

My parents didn’t know how much struggle I was in really. I never told anything to them. They were the only people who can understand me. The only people I can show who I am. I won’t ruin that fact just because I never tried. But the Cath they know has friends and have no problems in school at all. It was a fiction version of my book. My story will just revolve around the fact that I was that girl in the corner eating her sandwich who died because of loneliness.

One day I was at the mall for groceries. I was old enough to do so and my mom was too busy with her work so I was left to do the job. I was an only child so my mom doesn’t have anyone except me. I was looking for a laundry powder when I came across this guy who asked me if I was Cath. I told him I was indeed. I cannot believe how someone is talking at me right now and he knows me. He smiled at me and said that he was one of my classmates. I was nervous as usual I don’t know how to respond but I just stayed calm and act tough then I said “Do you want any help?”. He responded jokingly by saying “Yes I really need your help. We want you to represent our club. And I know you are not a part in any of this organization but we’d like you to do so and there are plus points for you if you win the pageant title”. As you may all know if you have low self-esteem chances are you will never ever know how to say NO to anything especially favors and so in this situation I am in right now I did that exactly.

I went home just eating what I just said and just continuously blaming myself for being such a dumbass. How could someone wants me on the pageant when they know I wasn’t that good looking? And so it came to pass.

I went to school early in the morning when the guy from the grocery store came in and told me to be in the rehearsals this afternoon. I couldn’t say no so I said yes and next thing I was already in that studio where we will be rehearsing. I can clearly see those beautiful women confidentally standing there doing stuff that I don’t know if I can do. When it was time to do the walking I stumbled many times and awkwardly handled it somehow. Josh, the grocery store guy, talked me out of the nervousness that I was feeling. He told me to ignore the crowd to earn the crown. But it did not end there I had struggles with how I talk and walk. Josh didn’t stop to teach me everything I needed to know. I kept on learning since that day for two months and many changed about me after that.

It was pageant day when I had the guts to ask Josh why I was chosen to be here anyway when there are a lot of people out there in the campus who are far more beautiful and better at everythin. He told me they were looking for someone who are different and fearless. They saw that in me. He told me I was beautiful enough that the guys from out in the campus never talked to you. That was in fact a complement.

I went in to become the champion after that.

I realized it was just really my brain that was playing insecurities. We will never know who we are if you limit yourself to only yourself. You need the perspective of other people as your ladder to success.