“I Have To Get Out”
I sit here
before the screen
struggling to silence my screams
that are bursting from a lifetime of fear
I drown out the noise
and try to drown out the sorrow
I feel my body beginning to numb
I hope I can go on until Tomorrow
I just have to reach Tomorrow
then it will be all right
I just have to keep my future in sight
and remember that Today will just become a Yesterday
Today will transform into a distant memory. I won't have to live it again, until Today happens again. Today happened the first time I realize my dad was an alcoholic, the first time I was hit by a man, the first time I learned about mysogyny, and this time that my dad's peaceful facade has given way. He held it for a good tweleve years.
And so, I called upon my gentle man, the one who allows my dragon to sleep, the one who grants me peace. I cry and splutter and even now as I type I stutter but, just like me, these stutters are something you will never see. As ironic as it may be, for all the wordsmith I am, words do not always come easy. All I can say is all I can think, so I tell him, "I need to get out."
Here... I'm just so scared. (With him, it is safe to be vulnerable)
I just have to get to Tomorrow
If I get to Tomorrow, he will be waiting for me with strong arms and an open heart, ready to protect me until I can protect myself from the very real demons of my past.