Ripples of ignition

Confidence is a thing that ebbs and flows. It plagues mirrors for some of us, and resides in critics for others. Truly, the battering of confidence is the sword that our own inner critic wields against our creativity. In the beginning we have confidence of curiosity and unknowingness. We do not comprehend injury or death.We do not see the intense pain of failure until we are brought into the world too quickly, pulled out to sea by riptides of schoolbooks and chatter and self inflicted standards that pull us down more than they improve us. Confidence, like any muscle, needs time to grow. There are moments when we are high on life—when this brief and tangible confidence explodes in our bloodstream and we are unstoppable. But that kind of confidence is burning—it lights us up and leaves our charred minds behind in the dead forest. Confidence is something you build up after you lose it. In the beginning, it feels theatrical, false, a remedy without a conclusion. But as time wears you down and you fight the clocks and the critics and the heartache, it can return if you let it—which is terrifying. When you have been under the ripples of confidence, it becomes a part of you and by destroying it, you lose your identity. Perhaps that is why we are so stubborn, when trying to help ourselves find happiness? Because our pain has become us and we become our low self esteem. It is innate and destroying it takes courage But when that moment comes, when that epic ending to constricted breath is free to do it‘s job and the theatrical dance of talking to yourself and your reflection feels like a truth instead of a lie...well then, confidence has been given a chance to bloom.