The Last Time
I try to remember all the last times with you, because we didn’t know it was the last time.
The last time we had sex, we didn’t know it was the last time we’d have sex.
The last time we kissed, we didn’t know it was the last time we would kiss.
The last time you made me breakfast and we slow danced in the kitchen, we didn’t know.
I try to remember the last time we drove in your car at night, windows down sharing a cigarette. We knew we shouldn’t smoke, but it felt so good.
“Come on it’s a special occasion” you said.
“Because I’m with you.”
I blew smoke out the window and looked at you looking at me.
I would have told myself to capture every detail because that was the last time.
I try to remember the last time I made you laugh.
When was the last time you looked at me adoringly?
When was the last time you opened my car door for me, or the last time you pulled me close to you as we slept?
When was the last time I cried on your chest? When was the last time you cried in my arms?
When was the last time you were so mad at me, but you still told me you loved me?
When was the last time we looked out at the city from my roof?
When was the last time I told you I loved you?
When was the last time we laid in bed all morning?
What was the last TV show we watched or the last restaurant we went to? What did you get? I don’t remember.
What was the last fight we had? I don't remember.
When was the last time we talked about our future? I don’t remember.
It’s the little things that haunt me, I stare at my bed and I try to remember the last time you were in it. Your ghost moves through my kitchen and up the stairs, and every time I see a black Nissan Altima on the freeway I think it must be you.
When I walk out of my building I remember all the times you complained that there was no parking.
But you wont complain again because you won’t be coming over.
You won’t park on the hill and type in the code to my building that I finally gave you, then let yourself in with the key under the mat.
The last time you did, I didn’t know it was the last time you would. Neither did you.