When I was young, I thought running was something you only do for sport. Now, in my 29 years old, I have learned there are different ways of running.

I started ‘running’ from logic when I dated my ex. He was relentless in pursuing me, and against my better judgement, I eventually gave in. It was a series of emotional abuse and bigotry that I was blinded to. For two years I was trapped in a toxic relationship.

My second ‘running’ is when I slipped into depression right after my graduation. I ‘ran’ from my responsibility as a young adult, who should’ve find a job and be the filial daughter. I still feel guilty until now when I think of those dark years when I could have done something more... Asking help, perhaps. Or talking to my parents, maybe. I didn’t do anything of the sort and let myself be seen as a lazy bum who holed herself up in her room doing nothing.

My third ‘running’ is when I finally decided that I had enough. I needed to get better, I told myself. First thing I did was finding a job. I wasn’t confident in pursuing a job that suited my major since I hadn’t been active and it could bring out questions of the gap years after graduation and the present that I wasn’t ready to answer. I finally settled a job as a Customer Service slash Admin slash Marketing in a company. When I received my first pay, I was happy. I felt good for earning money and be able to buy my own things. However, the working hours took a toll on me and I eventually resigned after working for 11 months there.

I am still ‘running’ until now, even if I wish I could have a better paying job so my family won’t live off of debts here and there. I try, every day, to not ‘run’ away leaving them but instead ‘run’ harder and faster so that I can help them. It is hard, to live as minimally as possible while around me my friends have settled down with high pay jobs and even married. But I tell myself over and over that this will soon pass and we can finally live a little more comfortably.

And maybe, someday we can go traveling like the old days.

We just have to keep 'running', no matter how exhausting it is.