Broken “Together”

We used to be happy.

The lets walk around and just see what happens happy.

The I decided to call you for fun happy.

The you make me smile unconsciously happy.

The I’m in love happy.

And then something happened. If you asked me, I couldn’t exactly tell you what it was. Maybe it was me, or him, or just us together, but we never quite felt the same.

We broke the meaning of together. We didn’t quite breakup and there was nothing official originally, but together no longer had a meaning.

We could be in the same room but not speak to each other. Act as if the other person was invisible.

We could be walking in the hall a step away from each other but neither was willing to speed up nor slow down. We acted like strangers when I knew he only took his coffee black and loved the fifth Harry Potter book. And he knew I liked sunrises more than sunsets and couldn’t stand groups of people who take up all the sidewalk.

It was like we were playing an elaborate game of chess where we didn’t want to lose quite yet, but no one was willing to openly pursue victory. No one was willing to show that type of commitment. He didn’t want to lose his queen, and I wasn’t going to give up my king.

I’m not sure what changed the game. But something invisible and indescribable happened. Something that shifted “us”. We were still in the same position that we had been in and we weren’t separated, we just weren’t “us” or “together”. It was more “you and “me” or “him” and “I”.

That’s why, I can’t say we are happy.

“We” isn’t meaningful anymore.

I can maybe say “him” and “I” are happy, but that’s almost worse.

That’s why I have to say that we were.

We used to be happy.