But now you’re gone

When you said that you loved me I watched the earth stand still. When we spent most of summer together I tasted the difference in the air. When we stayed up all night talking, I knew how happiness felt.

And then one day it changed. Rather, you did.

And you want me to pretend nothing happened. And you want me to still be your friend. And you want me to answer your texts, even after months of horrible silence.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted. I'm sorry I believed you. I'm sorry I trusted you enough to let you in, to tell you things I'd never dared tell anyone else.

And I can go for days without thinking about you. Until something funny happens at work or someone says something stupid at school. And I just want to text you, to tell you, like the way it used to be.

That's when I realise I don't have that freedom anymore. That's when I realise things can't ever be the same. That's when I realise how much I miss you. And how much I hate myself for missing you.