The Doodle Mafia

My dog, General Sherman, has been saving up his money to get a DNA test. He wants to see if he can up his value and desirability. If by some chance it turns out that he does indeed have some poodle mixed into his typically American mongrelization, it would be the doggy equivalent of having royal bloodlines. I mean, what dog doesn’t dream of being non-shedding, and hypo-allergenic?

With the chance that the test comes back positive, Sherman has been trying to come up with a name for his breed, ie “Labradoodle”, or “Golden-doodle“. He is fully aware that, being Southern and a bit hillbilly, it is likely that his options will be a bit different from the normal everyday doodle varieties. For instance, we know his Grampa Red was a Coonhound, and we cannot find a prefabricated name for a poodle-hound mix, so Sherman tried out “Coonoodle-Doodle” on me this morning. I must admit, it has a sexy ring to it.

There is also surely some Beagle blood. While “Poogle” is definitely out, Sherman thinks he could get away with telling people that his new breed is named after that most famous of Beagles, and be a “Snoopy-Doopy”.

The General holds hope that Cocker Spaniel is an option. I told him he would be a “Cockapoo,” which is decidedly bland, but he is determined that he will be the original, “Cocker-Doodle-Dude.” Sherman does have a flair for the dramatic. Or perhaps he will become a “Blue-Tick-a-Poo”, or even a “Pitbull-a-Poo-Poo”.

But whatever he might become, his hopes are high, so I hope the tests come back positive. General Sherman does not handle disappointment well. He was down for three weeks after his application form to Tulane’s Law School was rejected, even after I warned him that reading was a requirement. The poor pup was so hurt we missed the whole quail shooting season afterward.

I know that most of you won’t understand, but it is an extremely big deal for a hound to make it into the “Doodle Mafia.” If he gets in he will immediately become one of the dogs that the cashiers at the Home Depot flock around in admiration, rather than being the one left outside in the truck bed to howl his displeasure and shame.

As for me, I really don’t care about having a “Doodle-Dog,” but I know how important it is to him. He is a good dog, so I hope he makes it, I just hope he wants it for the right reasons, and not just because Dolly, that Malti-Poo down the street, won’t pay a mutt any mind.