Love me

I need to write something-anything right now. I feel heavy and sad today, now I’m good for a self loathing session as the next person, but this ain’t it. I feel inadequate to the extent that I’m not so sure I’ll grow. Like this is what my fear, doubt, and self esteem have given me. My own mind cage and is it semi pitiful and disappointing!! I’m at the point in my life that I can’t fake having everything together anymore. This years long facade that I created for myself is crumpling by the months. I don’t think I know who I am anymore. No correction I do at my core, and I just don’t like it. Or see any value of it. Like what’s the point in having kindness when it doesn’t lead to respect? Yeah I’m empathetic but that’s doesn’t stop the next person hurting my feelings now. What I have isn’t what valued in everyday society. Even the good qualities are longer can be acceptable.

So I tried to be someone else, or let my my bad qualities show itself brazenly, thinking it was the answer to all, but all that led to a weed addiction and bad credit.

In summary, I went through life thinking if I could be understanding and nice, people will value me more than anything. By being dependable, people will include me more. Now at 26, I looked back and wished I fought for respect and not likeness.