The Many Costumes of the Ego

It's kind of funny that as I sit here in the free expansive place of contemplating my insides well-worn trucks full of dedicated roofers are parked in our driveway, their tools strewn around the outside of our house on all sides. They arrived early this morning along with the morning sun while I sat inside of a warm home, drinking coffee and contemplating my navel from yet another angle with my Creativity Coach via Skype.

And my ego throws out a pleated costume of perfection disguised as worry for placing an "and" incoherently in my writing

or asking how important could my writing possibly be to anyone much less myself

wandering thoughts swirling off to focus on the blowing tumbleweeds of dog fur that need sweeping up. 

Now

While others do the serious work of using their minds and bodies to pay for the bills, I sit here double guessing myself, my craft, my weaknesses.

Oh to be so full of self and yet yearning to be better than this,

this person who has a life on the outside that begs for the negative judgement of many

but stalls because of the negative judgement from within.

And yet, very grateful for those writers who I love to curl up and read who have gone through this same process with their own ego-twist decoration of perspective and wit.

Thank you for keeping on, thank you for overcoming, thank you for believing in that often times, small small voice deep inside that gives you just the briefest spurt of hope that someone, somewhere will benefit from what you put to the page.

We are out here.

Just believe.