Who Were You

I was 14

The first time I had tried to cut my wrists.

Pressure to not be like your mother can do that to you.

I was 14

The first time I smoked a cigarette.

It made me feel like my anxiety could rest.

I was 15

The first time I had learned how to cut my thighs

And hide my scars.

I was 15

When I had started smoking laced green.

I overdosed.

I was 16

When I tried to kill myself by taking too many pills.

I ended up in the kids mental ward.

I was 16

When I had gotten pregnant for the first time.

I had an abortion.

I was 17

When I decided to smoke the laced grass again.

I had a commitment later that night.

I was 17

When I decided to get clean and sober for the first time.

I was a good person.

I was 17

When I really fell in love.

He broke my heart.

I was 17

When I relapsed.

I threw away 4 months because I was sad.

I am 18

And I found out I was pregnant again.

I would not have been a good mother.

I am 18

And I have not cut in over a year.

No matter how hard I want to.

I am 18

And I am learning how to love myself.

I am a good person who never knew how to rely on my own love.

I am Jada

And I am a recovering addict.