here’s to you.

this is a letter to you, the ones who made me who i am now.

to the first girl who made fun of me -

i should hate you, but somehow i find my hatred for you gets overpowered by the hatred i now have for myself. i hate myself because of you, which should be why i hate you, but i think that now i hate me more than i hate you. i should hate you for all the things you said about me. i should hate you for how you made me into the mess i don’t want to be. i should hate you for shattering my self confidence. i should hate you for making me feel like i was nothing, nobody, worthless, but i don’t. i guess i have to thank you too, though - you’re part of the reason i’m trying to be a better person.

to the first boy who broke my heart -

i should hate you for what you did to me. i should hate you for the way you used me as an emotional toy to help you cope with everything you were feeling. i should hate you for the way you made me feel like i can’t go to people about my problems because you got mad at me for pretty much everything. i should hate you for confessing to a girl back in your hometown that you still had feelings for her while we were together. i should hate you for talking shit about me to one of my friends. the hardest part of this one is that i’ve accepted that you’re just egotistical, full of yourself and that’s just the person you are but god, i want to move past it. i can’t hold on to everything you’ve done to me and let it destroy me. so instead of hating you, i’m going to let it all go. you are not worth my time and haven’t been for a while.

to everyone who’s suffered through something similar -

you’ve made it through some really shit things. you’re doing great and i’m proud of you. sending love to you.

-m.s.