Numbers

I love numbers

My favorite is 21

But I doubt you know that

I love 21 so much that I buy things based on factors of 21

So 1, 3, 7, and 21

There are 21 lamps in my house

I know this because I count everything

13 stairs to get to my bedroom

4 cars parked in the driveway

127 days since you didn’t say goodbye

I know it’s 127 because it was January 6th

I do not like the number 127

Maybe it’s because it’s prime and I hate prime numbers

Almost as much as I hate reliving our conversations like a movie

Almost as much as I hate boys that tell you you’re worth something

Almost as much as I hate you

I counted the number of times you called and I didn’t pick up, one

But it was the only time that mattered

Because it was January 5th at 11:14 pm

And that was the day before you never spoke to me again

I even count the number of times your name crosses my consciousness each day

I have a new record low of twenty three

The furthest I got before my mind mentioned you was 8:15 in the morning

I started counting the bristles in my tooth brush and remembered your white teeth

Humans have thirty two teeth and all of yours were perfect

And you never missed a chance to remind me

If I counted the amount of days I spent crying over you

I’d run out of fingers and toes

I estimate it to be around 42

Have I mentioned that 42 is my third favorite number?

It has eight positive factors, 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 14, 21, and 42

Which is fun because four times two is eight

And 42 is made of four and two

And 21 plus 21 is 42

And I really love 21

And it’s been 127 days since you left without a goodbye

And I’m still not okay

Sixty three is another fun number because it’s just 7 times 9

And six plus three is nine

And six and three make 63

And why did you have to disappear from my life on the sixth?

Why not the thirty first?

I hate 31

I used to love six

2 times 3, a perfect whole number just after 5, just before 7

Now it’s just a day in January that I will never not regret

For that matter, sixteen is underrated

Sixteen freckles on the dimple of your cheek

Sixteen times our call ended because my internet was so bad

Sixteen candles you blew out as we stared the other down

Sixteen months before we went our separate ways

I like numbers

I count everything

The ringing of the phone in your hand buzzed a symphony of 1,2,3

Right before you ignored it to talk to me

Kind of like how you ignore me now

In the four hallways filled with 120 lockers each

Right before your sixth period statistics class

And I’m sorry

I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough

I’m sorry that my 32 teeth will never be as perfect as yours

That my interests will never be as exciting as yours

You hate numbers

I remember in third period Spanish

When the teacher asked our favorite numbers

And I said 21

And you rolled your eyes

Because you knew I would rant about the perfect balance of seven and three

How I always go on about

How 21 times 2 is 42

21 times 3 is 63

21 times 4 is 84

84 divided by 12 is seven

Seven times three is twenty one

Twelve backwards is 21

And I’m sorry that I’m not enough

I’m sorry that you are so boring that you don’t make purchases based on numbers

That you could care less that the amount of items in your cart is 26

That when you buy food, you don’t add calories for fun

That at restaurants, you don’t count the people that come through the door

I’m sorry that I’m not normal

I’m sorry that when I see a math problem with a perfect square, I jump for joy

I’m sorry that if a tv channel is a prime number, I change it

I’m sorry that whenever I see 127, I think of you

Even though I doubt I’ve crossed your mind since January 6th

I know you’re probably tired of hearing this but

3 and 2 make 6

3 times 7 is 21

2 and 1 put together is 21

And I’ll never be good enough for you

Twenty one is my favorite number

But I’ll never be your favorite anything