8 years shot to hell

I gave it all that I had but it wasn’t enough I married so young and I knew it'd be tough But they don’t teach you the skills to take care of yourself Or that marriage can truly impact on your health The first year started out with a rocky beginning By the end, my pregnancy had both of us grinning The second flew by with some struggles as well We were such happy parents but going through hell We decided to move country to start a new life So we moved to Australia, just to be faced with new strife Our income was low but we loved life and each other By the third year we had started to bag one another Suddenly, there was a side to this man I had not seen He would cuss, get angry and had started to be mean Yes life was stressful and moving at a slow pace But that’s life, and these times you're supposed to embrace  Life moves so damn fast and the years fly on by When I look back at the years I just sit there and cry We had such an opportunity, such a big chance And we let it slip by, without even a glance We were just so caught up on the trivial things So we never addressed any of our bad feelings We let them fester until they would explode I would hold in my feelings, god I thought I'd implode You were scary to confront, I feared how you'd react Would you yell or be broody, planning your counterattack  You could never take criticism not even from me But you were always telling me how communication is key You want to know what I'm thinking, and why I am so sad But you don’t understand that you've driven me mad One second you're fine, and then the next you're not You switch randomly between freezing and hot So that sums up the fourth year and most of the fifth Have another child they said, don't you know they're a gift?  Well I had  another but it didn’t do much Except trap me even more in this marriage of such Towards the end of the fifth that’s when all hell broke loose  When  your mental health crashed from the workplace abuse  I pretty much raised our kids alone for that year But I suck as a mum, from you, I did hear The sixth year was intense but I held on through it all I just focused on work and the kids I recall I tried my best to move forward move on with my life I even tried to forget that I was your wife The sixth year passed and now on to the next When I finally picked myself up in the job context  I landed the job of my dreams that I worked so hard for But you took that from me, reasons why I'm unsure Were you jealous of me or of all my success  Because I lost my job due to you being “depressed” Since then its been harder than I thought life could be I'm surprised that I haven't hung myself from a tree For now I'm in the eighth year of this marriage of mine And all I can do is pretend it is all fine But its not and I'm sad and I want to be dead But I'm scared to place that gun to my head One day it will end but I want you to know That I did all that I could and put on a good show But I can't keep this up and I can't always be strong I'm a drama queen you will say but you couldn't be more wrong.

#fear #marriage #younglove #despair #lifelost #loveslessmarriage #abuse #emotionalabuse