endless shallow thoughts

i guess i

hoped i

had

done something

right for once

but now

kids joke the

world’s gonna

end so i

guess that 

didn’t

work, then, huh

netflix shows, i

never watch

them, but now

there’s

some level of

comfort in them,

90s settings, 

before this all

upset everything,

human contact,

big lives,

not just ghosts

i always feel

like a ghost

lately, but

this is a 

new

level.

everything else

fades except for

the reds

of 

the tv. 

memory is 

blue, and 

i am 

missing 

things i swore

i’d never miss

anymore.

something about

this has 

to relate to

me, right?

but it doesnt,

though every

single

human

probably feels 

like it has 

something to

do with them.

for me? a

cruel cosmic joke.

you finally 

finally

like your life?

let’s ruin

it

i practice my 

guitar. i practice

it again. i 

dream of 

large

gatherings i could

play it at.

i’ve always joked

i want to 

be a hermit, 

that i

hate

humans. 

turns out,

i really like

humans.

i draw another

person. i try to

make

cookies. i mess

them up. i cant 

do anything 

right

im young, wreckless,

and beatuiful

but the only

thing

i 

have to mess

up are

cookies.

what if

this is 

my ruin?

what if everything

gets cancelled

and im just

always here?

what if i

missed

my chance?

should

i have

done something else?

the sun is so much brighter. i look outside and smile. i call my friends, we laugh, we sing. maybe this is fuel for a generation who’ll write great books and keep the sky clean.