God loves Everybody Don’t Remind Me

You’re watching me and loving me, right now. In this moment where I’m a piece of shit wishing I was nothing. How could you do this? Let me be this in this world you’ve created? How could you not help me? How could you allow my existance to damage your world? All of my thoughts of you come apart at the seems. I just can’t make sense of it. Whatever path my mind takes it comes to the same conclusion. I’m useless, worthless, graceless. You can’t imagine how I hate this. But you must be able to, you’re all knowing, all powerful, and all loving. Or your supposed to be. I try to be positive, look for your love, put the flowers I find in a vase, but I’m not my rosy self. I left my roses behind me in some cavern of my childhood. I can’t find them. I’m left here in your world completely graceless, screaming out for grace.