say anything

um

before I say anything

I’m not a public speaker

I hate it actually

because I’ve never been good

at speaking

while nameless eyes

cling to my skin

I always feel like I’m

suffocating

under the collective burden

of so many pairs

of unforgiving

eyes

uh

not that I want

to make you all

sound so bad

like you're evil

or something

I’m sure you’re all

very nice

people

or maybe not

um

I don’t know anything

about most of you

of course

and most of you

don’t know me

um

uh

but I want to assume the best

and hope that you won’t

judge me

unkindly

I didn’t ask for this

you see

but here I am!

haha

um

I’m supposed to be saying

something important

and incredibly insightful

and there you are

waiting

probably impatiently

to hear me say it

um

uh

sorry

I didn’t get much

time

to plan this

and it’s really

a lot to ask

I mean

really

am I supposed to just

say whatever?

like what are the rules

here?

could I just

call you all assholes--

um not that

I would!

but could I

if I wanted to?

um

I would guess

probably not

haha

but um

if I could say

anything

well

where would I even begin?

um let’s see

since I can say

anything

I wish Jon would

call me back

haha!

just kidding

kind of

um

if I could say

anything

then

I think

it's kinda

ironic

how we are all so

easily connected

by modern technology

like smartphones

and social media

and stuff

but most of us

or a lot of us

um

or maybe just me

feel lonelier

than ever

you know what

I mean?

like I could talk to anybody

I want to

whenever I want

but most of the time

I feel like

I’m missing

something

like even if I call you

and listen to your

voice

over the phone

or like your Instagram post

or send you a

friend request

on Facebook

we’re not really

connecting

I guess it’s like

we lost

authenticity

maybe?

like we lost

how it feels

to connect

with other humans

in the real world

because so many of us

prefer the easy

distraction

of the world

we created

on the Internet

even when we are

together

offline

like have you noticed

how people will

go out to

a restaurant

or something like that

together

and both of them

will look at their phone

instead of talk to

each other?

or like

people will spend

more time

taking pictures of

their food

and posting them

than actually eating it?

I just think that’s

kinda sad

I mean

don’t get me wrong

I love the Internet

because we have so much

knowledge

and it’s all so

easily accessible

and you can use it

to express yourself

or nurture your

interests

or to connect with people

who like you

and can relate to you

even people who live

overseas

or speak a different language

and I do think

it’s a really cool

outlet

for people to share

their thoughts

and feelings

or just a good way

to beat boredom

but it’s not

everything

you know?

sometimes it feels like

no one cares

about anything else

and like the world

online

matters more than the world

around us

like I can’t be the

only one

who obssesses over how many

likes

I get on social media

right?

and it’s like

what does that

even matter?

what I'm

trying to say

is that in the context

of the real world

the number of likes

you get

on an Instagram

or Facebook post

is so

meaningless!

but we let it

affect us

by giving it

meaning

because we’re only

human

and we love to compare

and measure

and categorize

so of course

we have to compare

ourselves

to others

like oh she got

so many more

likes than me

so people must

like her more

and people must not

like me

as much

when that’s not

at all

what it means

because it doesn’t

mean anything!

it was just

supposed to be

a way

of showing our

appreciation

for something

but we turned it into

like

a self-esteem sensor

and most of the time

we end up feeling

worse

about ourselves

because even if you get

millions

and billions

of likes

on your photo

you’re just seeking

validation

from complete strangers

like if someone

who you barely know

a friend

of a friend

of a friend

or maybe they really are

a stranger

because you’re like a celebrity

and your fan is following you

anyway

it’s not

real

like they don’t really

care about you

and even if you think

they do

they don’t

unless you affect

their like daily life

in some way

um

then they probably

care

but like

the feeling

of satisfaction

you get

from people

responding to

the mundane things

you post

is so

brief

and it's gone

before you really

enjoyed it

and then you're chasing

empty happiness

every time

I think

it’s hard

to really get to

know someone

when we basically use

social media

as like

a shield

or maybe more like a wall?

yeah like

walls

that we build

to hide our flaws

and insecurities

because we want

to be perfect

or at least

perceived that way

like I don’t want

you

to know that

I have low

self-esteem

and I doubt

my worth

as a person

because it’s

embarrasing and

it makes me feel

ashamed

you know?

although I guess

I basically just

told the whole world

um

yeah

anyway

do you get

what I’m trying

to say?

social media

and the Internet

was created

because it was supposed

to be fun

and it is

usually

but it doesn’t

define

who you are

it’s just

a mirror

where we can reflect

a version

of ourselves

for other people

to see

but the person

in the mirror

isn’t really you

it’s just an

image

that wouldn’t exist

in the first place

without you

and it doesn't

mean anything

sorry

I know I’m kinda

ranting

but this stuff

really bothers me

because

honestly

life is too short

so

what is the point

of obsessing

over such a meaningless

thing?

honestly

sometimes I wonder

why I do

anything at all?

like sometimes

I lay awake

at night

and wonder

what's the point

of living

but the ironic thing

is that you have to

do something

because that's life

and there probably

is no point

you know

I'm not a philosopher

I'm just an

ordinary person

but

if I could say anything

I would say

the point of life

is to live

or maybe the point

is to die

or maybe the point is that

I am here

in this moment

and I may not be here

in the next moment

so

I have to make

the moment

count

before it's gone

forever

has someone

ever asked you

what you would

wish for

if you could wish

for anything?

well

if I could wish for

anything

I would wish

to stay alive

forever

but then again

living is so

painful

and sometimes

it feels like

it kills me

every minute

look

what I'm trying

to say is

we're not that

complicated

we just want

to be happy

but sometimes

it feels like

that's asking

too much

right?

sometimes

you must wonder

why

you were born

or why bad things

happen to you

or why you can't be

more like

them

But you know what?

it doesn't matter

why you're here

because even if

there is

no point to living

we have to make

a point

out of living

because there is

nothing else

we can do

because we are here

and we are

alive

for whatever reason

so we might as well

keep on living

even though

it hurts and

it can be boring

and annoying

and redundant

and lonely

and sometimes I really

hate it

but maybe that's what

makes it

meaningful

like maybe

just being alive

and feeling things

even bad things

and making memories

and watching the world

change

is enough

to give us

meaning

and I don't know

about you

but I just want

to feel like

my life

has meaning

outside of the

glossy

circuit board

I carry

in my pocket