divided

i'm split

between

my past

and present

self.

past me.

she's crippled

by anxiety,

dragged down

by her

emetophobia.

even the tiniest

jolt in

her stomach

triggers

a

domino

effect.

she's scared

to go in

public.

she's sent

home from school

early,

in tears.

but,

when she finds

calm in the

storm,

she's

authentic,

she's true to

herself.

she does what

she wants

and doesn't

bother with

putting

up

a

front.

present me.

the threapy

worked.

yet

something

feels off,

feels fake.

no anxiety,

and i feel

numb.

my world

has expanded,

it's overwhelming.

i'm a pretender

now,

it makes things

easier.

i've got

everything i've

ever wanted

but is that

what i really

wanted at all?

they're the same person, yet so different.

who do i choose?