Me and Myselves

There was a red envelope on the floor. It was a letter. At first I thought someone might have dropped it by mistake. I decided to pick it up and at least leave it at the post office. Just as I was about to pick it up, I saw something strange. The letter was for me. Maybe someone from my friends or family had written it. The date written on it was today. I opened it. The handwriting seemed familiar but it was difficult for me to remember whose it was.

I started reading the letter, it said,

“Dear Kate,

Honey I'll protect her.

Love, Alexa”

“Alexa! I don't know anyone named Alexa. And if I did know her, whose protection is she talking about”? I found it strange but something forced me to think that something's not right. Worst thoughts started coming to me, there was blackness everywhere. I had a flashback. "Mom! Mom! Can we please go to the zoo"?, Asked Emily. "Not now, maybe we can go next time". "But I wanted to go now, pleeeeease”. "Ok". We went to the zoo and enjoyed it a lot. Nick, my second husband, had been having a sleeping disorder. While driving back home, he somehow fell asleep and our car got into an accident. The accident was so severe that we all were badly injured. But Emily's condition was so critical that she had to be admitted in a hospital as fast as possible. All the days she spent in the hospital, I was there for her. The doctor told us she's mentally disturbed and needed extra care and attention. Since then I had been having an over motherly feeling for her. However, just coming back from my imagination world, I rushed towards home. Don't know why but I believe there was something wrong.

When I reached home, everything was fine but the basement door was open. I found it very strange because that door had been locked for years. However, I just peeked in through the door to make sure everything was fine, and then closed it. After that I ran towards Emily's bedroom. I opened the door and to my surprise her room was a mess. Clothes were strewn everywhere on the floor. There were smudges on mirrors and windows as if someone had written something on them and rubbed it with their hands. The unmade bed was piled high with toys and books. Chair was placed upside down. Blankets and pillows were thrown on the floor and most of all Emily wasn't there. I searched everywhere but she was nowhere to be seen. I just felt as if someone had stabbed me several times in my stomach, my heart stopped beating for a few minutes. I was ashamed of myself for leaving Emily alone. “it was all my fault, I should have never left her”.

I ran downstairs and sat in a corner sobbing like a little kid. After some time I stood up, realising what I was doing there. I didn’t even remember the last thing I saw. However, just as I was standing up I saw one of Emily’s pictures on the wall. I remembered I had been searching for her since the afternoon. I ran towards the phone and called John, my third husband, to quickly come home as nothing was fine. I also called the police. They arrived half an hour later. I told them everything that had happened to me since morning. They said they would start their investigation and do whatever they can. John arrived an hour later after the police left. I told John everything, he was also worried as much as I was but when I told him about the police, it seemed as if he was not happy to involve them. Despite being worried about Emily, there was also something else that was troubling him more. When I asked him about it, he just told me that there had recently been some issues in his work and nothing else.

“17 hours! 17 hours!” I can't believe Emily had been missing for 17 hours. The next morning I woke up thinking that Emily would come running in my room as usual, but no it was only my dream. Whole day passed but there was nothing to be known about Emily. I called the police to ask them if they had found anything but …. No … Nothing.

More days passed and still the police hadn’t even got a single clue. It seemed as if the police were doing nothing. Two months passed and every morning I woke up thinking that at last Emily would come back, but sadly it never happened. Every night I dreamt of the day when all this happened. At last I decided to find Emily by myself because the police were doing nothing. It seemed as if all of them were corrupt, not even a single one of them was doing anything.

Sometimes I feel everyone in this world is just living for money and there's nothing else they care about. There is no such thing as humanity for them. 20th February 2019, was the day when I started my new journey. This was the day when I started finding Emily by myself. It was my only aim of life and I had to complete it at any cost, no matter what I had to do it because now I cannot rely on anyone, not even the police. I had already seen what they had done in the preceding two months and now I cannot waste my time anymore. Something needs to be done.

John was at work. It was almost half past twelve. I made myself coffee and sat on the sofa thinking of the day it all happened. Starting from the beginning, it was two in the afternoon when I left Emily at home. After doing the groceries when I was on my way home, I accidently found a letter that was actually for me. "Oh yes! The letter, where is it". I searched everywhere and at last I found it in my side table's drawer. I opened it and read it thoroughly in order to find any clue. There was no name on it except for mine and someone named Alexa. There was a strange pattern drawn on it which I hadn't seen before. I scanned the pattern thoroughly with my eyes. After some time I started remembering that I had seen this pattern somewhere. "Ahhhhhhhh! Where had I seen it”? I closed my eyes and tried to remember, just then I somehow had a flashback of the day it all happened. "Yes! I had found it”

At night when John came home, I showed him the pattern. He was very surprised to know that it was his company's logo, where he used to work before. According to him the letter was written on a paper from the notebook which was given to every worker in the company. “It must be it! the letter must be from someone who had worked or were currently working in that company”. I had got my first clue. I googled the company’s name and went there to check the records. The manager didn’t agree at first, but I told him that it was police work. So after some discussion they gave me all the files. I checked them one by one but in vain. When I opened the last file, I was relieved to know that I had got myself another clue. That file was of my second husband, Nick. He worked there two years ago. Believe me not I somehow thought that this might help me.

(flashback)

I and Nick were living a great life, everything was fine. We were really happy with each other. But one day it all ended, once a happy family was now broken. I still remember our fight. I was in the kitchen making breakfast when Nick came to me and told me about my strange behaviour last night. He told me that at midnight, I woke up and started walking out of the room. He followed me. I was in Emily’s room and he was secretly watching us. He told me that I was saying strange things to Emily as if someone was coming to get her. The strangest thing is that I wasn't talking in my normal voice, it seemed as if someone else was speaking. I didn't believe him and we had a fight over this. It wasn’t the first time he had seen me acting strangely. Every day he would tell me such things and we would have a fight over it. It seemed as if fighting with each other had become our everyday routine. One day he told me to go to a doctor or else Emily would have to suffer. “You don’t need to worry about Emily. She’s my daughter, not yours”. “If that’s so, I don't really care. I was saying it for her own good but if you don’t want to, it’s fine. If you don’t trust me on making better decisions for Emily, there’s nothing I can do, except for leave you alone on your own. I can’t live with a woman like you”. He said this and left the house. Two days later I got divorce papers from him, and it was that day till now that I haven't seen him.

“Can I please get Nick’s address”? I asked the company’s manager. He took out a file from the locker and searched for Nick’s name and gave me his number and address. I went back home, took a shower and put on a blue striped sweater and blue jeans. It was half past two in the afternoon, I made myself beans and read a book while eating it. When I had finished eating, I decided to meet Nick. I called him many times but he didn’t answer. I put on my jacket and rode towards his house. When I reached there the door was locked. I asked his neighbours if they knew anything. They told me that he had left the house two years ago and since then no one had seen him. At the time that I was walking back towards my car, I met a person named Anthony. He was Nick’s friend. He told me that Nick had left this country two months ago. “It was the time when Emily went missing, there must be something wrong”, I said to myself.

After coming back, I wrote all the clues I had found uptil now. My first doubt went to Anthony, he had told me that Nick left this country two months ago and his neighbours told me that he had left the house two years ago. “Where was he living after he left his home?, What had he been doing since then”? These questions were continuously popping in my mind. I personally thought Anthony knew something important, that he was hiding from me. I had to meet him again.

The next day I woke up and made myself breakfast. John had already left for work. After that I went to a supermarket to do the groceries. When I was in the frozen items aisle, I saw Anthony again. I walked up to him and told him that we need to talk. After doing the groceries, we went to the nearby coffee shop. I asked him if he knew anything about Nick. “Remember me”? “Yeah”, he replied. “Great! Yesterday you told me Nick left this country two months ago. And his neighbours said he had left his house two years ago. Since you are his good friend, maybe there’s something you know. Where was he living after he left his house? And what had he been doing since then”? He told me that Nick left his house years ago and since then he had been living with him. No one knew this except Anthony and Nick himself and two months before today, he left this country. I asked him if he knew anything about why Nick left this country. “No”, he said.

I went back home. John was already there. We gathered all the clues in order to find another but it was useless. I sat on the sofa and went into a deep sleep..

(flashback)

It was Emily’s first birthday. Everything was ready. The decoration was done, guests had arrived, everyone was just waiting for James. Just then I got a call from his number. It wasn’t him, it was someone else. He told me that James had been in a very bad accident. We rushed to the hospital but it was too late by then.

When I woke up I heard John talking with someone on the phone. He told me we had to go to a doctor. “But why”? When we were there on the sofa, you sounded strange. You were speaking in someone else’s voice. And when I asked you if everything was fine, you didn’t reply, he said in a worried voice. “How can it be? Yes, I was there on the sofa with you but as long as I remember, I was sleeping”. “Maybe, but I think it's better if we consult a doctor, just once”. I agreed. He took tomorrow's appointment for me by a psychiatrist named Doctor Phillipa.

The next day I made myself some breakfast and after eating it, I went to take a bath. At about a quarter to two in the noon, I went to see the Doctor. She told me that she had heard about me from John. He had told her all the strange things that had been happening with me since the last few months. “Well, I know it’s difficult for you to believe this, but after hearing everything about you, I came to know that you're suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)”. I can’t believe what I had just heard. After all, why would I be having a very serious disorder and not know anything about it? “I can’t believe it's true”!

“I’ll figure it out”’ she told me leaving the room. I sat on a sofa and waited for her to return. She returned with a chain in her hand. “I’ll hypnotise you and find out if you really have multiple personalities. All you have to do is just watch this chain and carefully listen to what I’m saying” she said this and started swinging the chain sideways in front of me. After ten seconds, I fell into a deep sleep.

(from doctor’s pov)

“Kate can you listen to me”?

There was no reply.

“I repeat Kate can you listen to me”?

“I’m not Kate”. A voice called out.

“Then who are you”?

“I'm Alexa. I'm forty one years old. I am Emily’s caretaker and her mother, I have been living here for seven years".

“Kate is Emily's mother, not you".

“We both are her mothers. I am responsible for taking care of her care. When she had an accident, I was there the whole time. Kate was mentally disturbed and wasn't prepared to take her care that's why she called me to do so”.

“Where’s Kate”

“She’s sleeping right now”.

“Can I talk to her”?

“NO”

“Okay … it’s fine. But can you tell me, where’s Emily”

“I can’t tell you”.

“But why”?

"I just can't".

"Okay okay it's fine, take your time".

"I'm ok doc", someone within Kate spoke in a faintest voice".

"Who are you"?

"I'm kate. I'm fourteen years old."

"Ohhhh, why are you so scared"?

"It's the way I am. One day when I was playing with my mother, I heard the phone ringing. Mom answered the phone but then she was worried about something. She hid me in the closet and made sure the door was locked firmly. Just then some people entered our house and started beating mom in front of me. She was stabbed to death. Since then I have become scared of everyone in this world."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. Do you know Alexa"?

"Yes, she lives next to me. She's just like my mother. She protects me and Emily."

"So can you ask her where's Emily"?

"Maybe…"

"Ohh okay"

There was pin drop silence for the next twenty minutes, then Alexa started talking.

"I'll tell you about Emily but you have to promise me not to tell it to anyone".

"Okay, I promise I won't tell anyone about it, but if you knew where she was why didn’t you come back even once”?

“I wanted to but I can't.''

“Why”?

“I myself have an alter. She is the opposite of me. She hates Emily and is always finding ways to kill her. She is more powerful than me. We also have fights often and because of that Kate had sudden attacks. Believe me or not I have been trying my best to leave clues for Kate since, so that she could know where Emily is but sadly I didn’t have the guts to fight with my own alter.”

“Oh. that’s too confusing, Kate’s alter has her own alter that takes actions without the primary alter being aware of it. Well where is Emily now?

"So before Kate went for the groceries I was there with Emily. She wasn't feeling well so I went there to take care of her. Just then I heard someone knocking at the door, it was a man all dressed in black. He seemed very suspicious to me. I didn't know what to do so I hid Emily in a box in the basement and told her to wait there till I returned. And then I wrote a letter for Kate to tell her that I'll protect Emily."

"Then why didn't you take Emily out"?

"When I opened the door, there was no one. Just then Kate came back and went for the groceries. I put the letter in my pocket, maybe she had dropped it on her way. When she read it, she was very worried. She rushed back home and saw that the basement door was opened, but she closed it thinking that it had been closed for years so no one could be in there. And it was that day till now since no one came to know about Emily, not even Kate”.