E, 7.17 v M 5.30
The two sat facing one another not breaking eye contact
"You know why I am here?"
"I do"
"Do you have anything you would like to say... or ask perhaps?"
"I don't"
"Listen I know that you have tried, look at you now- you've let yourself go"
"I put aside time on myself for time in myself"
"What does that even mean?"
"It means I want to get better, and it is difficult enough, and nothing make up fixes"
"You've become quite angry I see" said laughingly
"I have"
"...and your faith, is this mess of you still clinging to faith?"
"I still have faith, I would not be here sitting with you if I didn't" tears slipped out
"but you know I am here to kill you?"
"I do"
"So why need to have the pleasantries? I'm just curious"
"Because I have faith"
"We did cover that you know"
"I do"
"Yet here we are"
"we are"
"I wonder- will this be our last encounter?"
"It could be"
"And let's say it is, tell me- what happens next"
"There is no next, if there were we would not be here... this is it... "
Silence.
Eye contact and silence.
"Do you need help?"
"I don't"
"Alright, and how about one more list of the.."
"...no... no more lists no more guilt, I have no time for lists"
"wow, okay then- no more lists" biting the corner of her mouth, "When?"
"Soon but I don't know and I won't know until it happens"
"... and do you think you will go to hell?"
"I don't know" her head bent lowly shaking side to side
"Well all I need is the permission then" in a slippery tone
"okay"
"Not to be cheeky- but what you want is going to have to be more than an O.K"
"Yeah, I understand that. I will write you a letter"
Silent. Eye contact and silent.
"Sounds pretty standard, that's not like you"
"I am not me anymore"
"I can see it actually, I actually can see it"
"I don't want to talk about this anymore"
"That's fine, but you will let me know then?"
"Yes"
One more look at one another, only this time more in full.
With a deep sigh, she stood- pushed her chair in, and walked away from the mirror.