I don’t have

I don’t have

a sob story

About how chains of

hate held me down

but I sometimes wish I did

so I could

explain away

this hurt

inside of

my fragile brain.

Somehow

I never stop hurting

I never stop running

Yet I don’t run from pain

I run from happiness.

I don’t want to be okay

Because what will I do

if one day I wake up

and nothing’s wrong?

What will I do when I wake up in perfection

and realize that I did nothing to deserve it?

I don't know. I want to know.

but I don't think I ever will.

I think my curse is that

I will never be okay

because I'll never allow my brain

to accept that good things

happen to me.

A dangerous ledge to be on.

A slippery slip of agony

and it only gets worse.

What will I do

when everything is perfect?

i don't know.

Why don't I just accept

what I have?

I guess it's my curse.

I don't have any agony to share.

all I have is perfection.

and I wish that something would go wrong

so I don't sound awful

when I complain about

my broken heart.