critique of your AWESOME Alliance wor
@LexiCon, Hi. I hope you may find something among these small suggestions. <3
- reamained - in Structure (should be remained).
- privelege - in Assets (should be privilege).
- weilding - in Assets (should be wielding).
grammatical - in need of healing etc., - (should be in need of healing, etc.) (Add a comma after healing) in link to Sundorwick Forests under heading of Tourism However - this is actually not a place to use "etc." UNLESS you add more items to the list preceding the word "etc." Here is the sentence as it stands: "Some curious folk may trek to the mysterious location due to the wonder and thrill of lore suggesting it is home to fairies and sprites, while others who have learned of its mystical plantlife may come to collect special botanicals if they are in need of healing etc., or if they have intent on selling the rare finds in the market." It would need something such as "... others who have learned of its mystical plantlife may come to collect special botanicals if they are in need of healing, "attracting a mate, purging oneself of poison," etc., or if they have intent ... " Since this sentence is very long, you might consider breaking it up into two or three shorter ones.
Also in link to Sundorwick Forests under heading of Tourism:
Some people long ago tried to utilize Sundorwick for lumber, but the forest's soldiers taught them better than that.
I would reword the end of the sentence to more precisely state the forest's soldiers taught:
"but the forest's soldiers taught them 'to do' better than that." (Add the words 'to do'.)
In Stucture, you note that 'weapons' of choice Sceadu remained: (typically crossbows or bows and arrows). Because these are two distinct weapons, consider making it more obvious by stating "crossbows and bows and arrows"
The only significant changes were the fact that now there was more open communication with the Mundbyrdians, more participation in meetings and events of Wynsumheord, and more battles fought that did not personally affect the Sundorwick Tribe.
I would reword as "Significant changes that there were more open communication with the Mundbyrdians, participation in meetings and events of Wynsumheord, and battles fought that did not personally affect the Sundorwick Tribe."
After much speculation, the Firgenholt came to the conclusion that the Sceadu were getting too close to the Mundbyrdians, so, at the wedding of Magnar and Anselma, they ambushed and attacked all in attendance.
I would reword to help the flow without altering the meaning to this:
'getting too close to the Mundbyrdians; so at the wedding of Magnar and Anselma, they'
Firgenholt did not appreciate the Sundorwick inviting Wynsumheord 'so close to them'.
I would change to a more familiar phrasology, such as:
Firgenholt did not appreciate the Sundorwick inviting Wynsumheord 'into such close proximity'.
Demography and Population
I feel this is a grammatical typo. You have:
But, since the merger, some citizens of Wynsomheord have decided to take up residence...
You need to remove the comma after 'but' because I think you actually mean to say:
'But since the merger,' some citizens of Wynsomheord have decided to take up ...
I would omit the second "now" to avoid being redundant. (It's implicit that it's now.)
Now that the Sundorwick Forests are officially declared a district of Wynsumheord, and the Sceadu have become Mundbyrdians, they now technically have a hand in all territory except the Firgenholt Wood.
It would then read:
Now that the Sundorwick Forests are officially declared a district of Wynsumheord, and the Sceadu have become Mundbyrdians, they technically have a hand in all territory except the Firgenholt Wood.
Curious topics I would like to have elaborated:
- certain plants that can help in the process of vanquishing an enemy. in Assets
I later found this info by following your link: "Because of this, the Sundorwick Soldiers tip it on the edge of their arrows and darts before going into battle." I wonder if the soldiers "tip" the Slumaberry sap on the edge of their arrows or "dip" it. Perhaps they tip it, or it could be a potential typo. Only you know what they do with the sap. :-) This is such an interesting practice that perhaps a brief explanation could be made in Assets.
- the forest peoples did not consider their land to be part of the main settlement due to their varied philosophical views. in History
This is more fully explained by following the links. A short overview of one sentence might be welcome since this is the variance in philosophies is such a major difference that it led peoples to disassociate with one another. (Or perhaps you could expound with a sentence or two about each of the varying philosophies.)