Affordable Traditions
My issue with “traditions” - of any kind - is often they’re based on outdated assumptions of how the world works or assume that by “going back” to earlier models we’ll fix so many of our problems, without recognizing the problems those earlier models had too.
I presume the “traditional” family that inspired this challenge is the predominantly white, Christian viewpoint - mom at home, dad at work, 2.5 kids, white picket fence. Looks innocent enough on the outside, if everyone’s happy, and honestly I’m sure several families across socio-economic backgrounds would agree it sounds blissful. It’s the cornerstone of the “American Dream”, right? But here’s where it falls apart:
1) Families can’t afford white picket fences anymore
As of 2016, 65% of households headed by adults under 35 years of age rent instead of own; black/Hispanic households are twice as likely to rent vs own as white families. Not only are we not expanding generational wealth transfer to non-white families, we’re increasingly leaving less and less wealth for future generations to inherit overall.
2) Families have to send Mom to work too
As of 2019, 64% of families have two working parents in order to pay the bills. Some have argued this as a, “Well, let’s just send Mom back home and pay Dad more!” except a) nobody’s going to pay Dad more, companies resist rising wages like the plague and b) forcing Mom back home doesn’t make sense not only from a moral but an economic position. Mom can do more than just “mom” and we’re wasting talent leaving her at home. Even if Mom - or Dad, for progressive thinkers - stayed home, the reality is one parent is not going to be able to provide the same standard of living anymore. I’d also argue that the “tradition” of pinning all our hopes for healthcare & wages on one parent placed families in a vulnerable position as “dependents” in the first place - and when Mom jumped in to help out, or had to take over ’cause Dad was out of the picture, she got sucked in to staying there. Now we have no backup - unless we start counting extended family models, where now Grandma & Grandpa chip in too and spend retirement either in childcare or pitching in financially.
3) Kids are financial liabilities
As of 2017 the average cost of raising one child to age 17 is $233,000; that’s nearly a quarter million bucks, or for that 2.5 magic number at least half a million. Studies have shown that, especially for women, having a child increases the risk of bankruptcy up to 60%. One of the leading reasons cited for women having abortions is lack of financial resources to raise a kid - yet not a single pro-life argument I’ve read adequately addresses this fact. The response I hear more often boils down to, “Well, if you’re poor/unmarried don’t have sex” and I cannot facepalm hard enough at this messaging. It comes off as condescending and/or puritanical, especially when we could just say, “Let’s invest more in sex ed so kids understand how to have sex safely because that actually is possible and would reduce rising STD’s in our nation too!” or “Let’s work to improve the lot of young people so they could actually afford the choice we want to forcibly make for them!”
Whenever I hear people say “We need to go back to traditional families!” what I understand is they’re angry about the points above; however, it’s been decades and nothing the same strong supporters of traditional families have done has fixed any of the above issues.
If you want your traditional family back, I’d say you need to make some concessions here so that it’s even possible. Personally I’d recommend doing deep, soul-searching research on:
1) decreasing economic inequality and the loss of the middle class
2) more flexible work schedules / reduced min working hours
3) paid parental leave / childcare options for both parents
4) free or low-cost college / post secondary education (i.e. Mom & Dad might afford a home if they weren’t shackled by student debt, or if they didn’t have to worry about paying for their own children’s education in the future).
5) more support for single-parent households
6) more recognition that LGBTQ+ parents can form healthy “traditional” families too (honestly if you’re going to limit who can form a traditional family then my respect for said model drops exponentially - even the friggin’ Pope gets it)
7) regulation of the real estate industry and support for affordable housing
Sadly, most of the people who seem to tout the traditional family model don’t seem to budge much or engage at all on the above points. Many, in fact, blame feminists for ruining everything by leaving the home - yet they ignore econ studies suggesting that women actually bring soft skills that are more in demand in modern workforces, or that traditionally male industries got hit heavily by automation even when women went back home after WWII. They blame welfare for encouraging people not to work - not recognizing how American welfare’s extreme min/max system actually discourages poor families from taking entry-level jobs that will literally cost them more in lost benefits they can’t afford to go without, or penalize people with disabilities from building up their savings and safety nets. They also blame “broken homes” for pretty much everything under the sun - without taking a closer look at why we have those broken homes or how we can better support families who have no unbroken models to follow.
I don’t think it’s the loss of “traditional family values” that has led to the loss of the traditional family. Instead I’d say it’s the emphasis on other values - like economy first / tax cuts are king and trickle down economics has totally worked out great for everyone / military spending is more important than education spending / social services are for leeches / 60 hour work weeks are the only way to get ahead / vacations are for the retired / healthcare is a privilege we provide to full time workers not a right for everyone / sex should only be used for reproduction / marriage is between a man and a woman / post secondary education is overrated and we’ll bring those automated factory jobs back / women should be dependent on men because it’s easier for men to focus on being economic workhorses rather than equal home caregivers and all women just wanna be moms obviously soft skills work best at home / - that led to the greater inflexibility of Americans in the face of changing times. This, I would argue, has ultimately led to the loss of the “traditional family” itself.
Although frankly if the above values were the requirements of having a traditional family, I honestly don’t miss it at all.