The convincing turkey

Disclaimer: This is something I wrote in fourth grade for a school assignment, (the assignment was to write from the perspective of a turkey trying to convince people not to eat them for Thanksgiving.) I stumbled on it and thought it was perfect and rather funny for this challenge. I decided not to edit it or anything, so excuse all the rhetorical questions and exlcamation points.

Dear humans,

I am only a turkey, but hear me out before you eat me, and I daresay you’ll change your mind! I’m not as good as other meat, I can assure you. Why not try beef or chicken? Maybe pork? They are delicious, not me! I promise you, I don’t lie! Are you going to argue? Well fine. But keep in mind that in 2012, chicken, beef, and pork were all chosen over turkey. I would change your Thanksgiving menu if I were you. Plus, I swear that I will make you tired, so don’t even bother denying it. My secret weapon is tryptophan, a hormone in my body that makes people sleepy. You’re probably thinking, so what? I don’t care if I’m tired, but listen to this: do you really want to miss out on your Thanksgiving feast, (which I think would taste great without turkey, y'know), games with your family, and catching up with friends, all because you’re exhausted? I didn’t think so! Anyway, how would you feel if some random person ate you? My guess is not so good. Wait, did I say I’m guessing you wouldn’t feel so happy? I know you wouldn’t feel happy. How do I know that? Because I am that turkey! It’s terrible to be eaten and know you’re going to be eaten. My cousin Herb was eaten and it was not pleasant, I tell you. And turkeys don’t even get to live that long! Wait, just a minute, you think they do get to live long? Wrong! Five to six months, our typical farm raised lifespan, and you are calling it long?! My, my, my. So, do you still want to eat me? Well, I’ll give you another fun fact to argue with! About 45 million turkeys are killed every year for Thanksgiving and I might be one of them. Do you seriously want us turkeys to go extinct because you rude humans kill us off for food when there is so much other meat, but you simply must have us poor, poor turkeys? I sincerely hope that you consider what I have written and make sure you don’t eat us. But please don’t worry though, I’ll always be ready to accept your apology!

From,

Your desperate friend the turkey