Self-inflicted Achromatic
I want to be someone like you
I want to be someone that feels very “me”
If I really wanted to, I could go and do it
But then would that really be me?
The way I am, someone like me is better off dead
Where someone like me is alive,
Brings sadness to tens of thousands of people
In this world am I not even allowed to survive?
A world that no one wants me:
I wish that’s the kind of world it was
A world where everyone is happy without my existence
There is no “because,”
If just by wiping me away
And there is no hatred for anything
Hundreds of people rejoiced
I would happily reject such a thing
Tomorrow I’ll still tread between reality and dreams
Just like that, I’d love to disappear
Would me changing myself really help?
In the end I’m still here
And no one wants me:
If the world was like that, would it be okay?
Even if I were wiped away
That wouldn’t change some hundreds of million people in a way
If no one will resent me, then that’s still a loss
“My self” made in others will crumble away
In the end everyone will collapse in the same manner
If only I didn’t hold onto today
Why do you smile so much just because I’m alive?
If you smile like that, my sadness perished
No matter how sad, now matter how much I want to disappear
If only my reasons of wanting to say good-bye vanished
My whole purpose in life was to be resented
But looking at your smile, I can’t say that
If only I could just kill myself without knowing it would hurt you
Then where would you be at?
If this was a dream, I wish it wouldn’t ever end
If no one will resent me, then that’s still counted as a loss
I want to die, I want to live
I still find myself trying to walk across
All the hatred directed on me,
I would be able to die happily
I’m more scared of not being hated enough than being hated
If only I can live that easily