One Vice I’ll Never Give Up

Listen very carefully,” Angelo the Enforcer vehemently demanded. “I’m going to tell you this once and once only. I am giving up my vice forever. I promise this on my mother’s grave.”

“You have more than one vice,” laughed Johnny the Snake. “Which one are you talking about?”

“Well, Sunday is the day that I take out the trash. By this, I mean getting rid of anyone who crosses me. On Monday, I usually play cards and win by cheating.”

“Continue,” urged Johnny the Snake, “you haven’t finished.”

Dark clouds crossed Angelo’s countenance as he pressed on with his admissions. “On Wednesday, I go to church but I lie to the priest during confession. On Thursday, I fight with my wife and go out drinking with the other boys – you know, Louie the Rat, Silent Eddie, and Tony Bologna.

Friday, I have my boys clean up any mess that the cops might find –bodies, bones, fingerprints, blood, you know!

“I just don’t know how I can decide which vice to give up,” he said, scratching his head in consternation.

A cunning grin took over Johnny the Snake's face as he said, “You conveniently forgot Saturday, you sly fox. What about Theresa? Why don’t you give her up?”

“Never ask a man to give up his whore,” snorted Angelo, “if you don’t want to

be wearing cement galoshes! I’ll give up going to church on Wednesday but I’ll never give up my Saturday night whore!”