Yellowjacket
i'm trying to get a check cashed;
for fuck's sake all I want is this $27 and jesus god why
is everything hard the line is not moving, i feel like i've
been standing in the same place, growing roots, for days
i feel a tingle in my fingertips am i going to sprout a leaf
i almost say to the man in front of me but i don't because
i have a great fear of speaking to strangers, are we not all strangers, do we any of us know ourselves much less another
the man behind me wanting his $27 or whatever the hell
anyone wants
didn't you used to be, aren't you-
well in another life maybe yes, yeah i thought that was you, i thought i
recognized you, whatever happened to-
jesus christ when will this line move, i've got to get this money to Reseda
before three look at that security guard, do you think if i emptied my account
and gave it to him he'd shoot everyone but me so i can get to the counter
sweet fucking god it's hot too, i'm not looking forward to the drive
maybe i can - no i cannot
sweat slides down between my shoulder blades down the trench of my spine
deep breath hold hold hold
what sorry i wasn't listening
{Listening is an act of love. Who do you love, who loves you?
The street comes up to meet you, asphalt kiss on your whiskey lips.
How many times have you said, I'm doing the best I can- screamed it
wept it, vomited it - always knowing you're not even close to doing your best?
A bus stop bench, sitting beside a veteran who sleeps there most nights; we are sharing
a bottle of something, talking
They're trying to kill me, he whispered between chugs,
Yes, but they're trying to kill all of us, don't think you're special.
I fell asleep beside him, waking when the 122 pulled up and the driver opened the
door to yell at us.
I walk into the soft moon white the hard hot black of the ground the warm blade of the night's breath the sparkle of lights the blankness between, one shoe clomp one foot bare This is going to be my year, again, my hair is in my eyes the median strip is a jungle so I lay down again this oasis this emerald surrounds enfolds where am i going to get what i need, where am i going to get such simple love
where did i get the idea that love is simple that love is listening that love is a green
embrace as cars race past on either side, hurtling through the midnight the one a.m.
the predawn everyone going home to loving arms and loving beds or pretending
just as well pretending love is love and it is all we need
the 122 goes right to Reseda, the stars in their courses swirl overhead, i pull grass up
with my knuckles, by the time i sit up there is a baseball sized divot beside me, the traffic
is dead i can taste the sea in my lungs i will lie here and wait to be killed i will lie here
and wait to be raped i will lie here and listen because i love
a car goes by a song pulsing from the open window i know this one, i know this one, it goes like this-}
i was distracted could you repeat that
one step two almost there the grille the marble counter the date on little black tiles
the check balled up in my sweating palm
the date on little black tiles this is going to be my year
the hum in my chest the sweat the brightness at the edge of my vision
everything is bright and glorious me most of all
it is just money it is just $27 why can't it just be the song from the window of
a passing car, why can't, why
always why and never how or who
already always walking away passing the guard
already always almost lunging
already always almost grasping almost on the ground now almost looking up
but what is there to see please just take it please just do what i cannot do
please just
make this my year