English
“I can’t believe that he made this mistake...AGAIN!”
“Shhh, Laura. We are in a cafe.”
“But, I am sick and tired of him doing this, John.” Laura hands the piece of paper to him.
″Running as quickly as a cheetah, Joe won the race while everyone else was still halfway.” John reads the sentence out loud. “Yes, I agree with the boy. The last part of the sentence is an adjective phase.”
“BUT IT ISN’T!” Laura slams her empty cup onto the table and a few people turn in their seats to glare at her. “It is an adverb phrase! “Won” is the verb, and the phrase says when Joe won. Why is it so hard to understand?”
“Laura, I hardly passed English, so it is hard for me to understand.”
“Well, you see, there are a few kinds of phrases...”
“Please don’t teach me about English. I couldn’t wait to get out of school to get away from it.”
“But English is the language that many people communicate with! It is vital to know it.”
“Yes, but normal people do not talk like this: I, that is a subject, saw, that is a verb, a very fast, that is an adjective, bird, that is the object. It is probably going to irritate people and they will be unable to follow what you are saying. So, there is no need to know that, because even writers just need to know how to make great sentences.” John takes a sip from his cup.
“But it is vital! You won’t tell people what phrases, clauses and everything else you use in your sentences, but you can communicate far more effectively with other people when you are able to use all of these things.”
“I love it when you get passionate about a subject.” John says after being silent for a moment.
“John! I am very upset here. That boy is going to fail his English course if it goes on like this!”
“Just try to help the boy. Help, not oppress.”
“Oppress!? I am trying to HELP him pass his course! I am not oppressing him!” Her eyes are spewing fire.
“I did not say you were oppressing him. I just mean that...”
“That I should leave him? That I should just let him fail? Let me just tell you, if he fails, then I will be to blame!”
“You really are so cute when you are mad. You’re blue eyes seem like two big, burning balls of fire. You’re cheeks become as red as...”
“Stop it, John! I am very upset about this and you are trying to change the subject aren’t you?”
John leans back in his chair and takes a deep breath.
“Besides, I actually need to go to the principal to report this, but I just haven’t found the courage to do it. Could you help me?” Laura’s voice is one of exhasperation.
John leans forward.
“Is this beautiful force of nature asking for my help? Well, I would be happy to buy you a big milkshake.”
“I don’t need a milkshake, I need help with the student.”
“Between helping a student in English and a milkshake, I am probably going to succeed more with the latter. I am not Shakespeare.”
“Ah! Speaking about Shakespeare, there is this girl in my class who can write such beautiful pieces that one would think that she was a descendant of him. Don’t you like Shakespeare’s writings?”
“No, I can hardly make out anything that he was trying to say; but if you want me to like them, then I will.”
“Oh, John.”