the fall

(Content warning: su!c!de attempts, mental illness, self-harm, pills)

Please note that this is an old poem, it’s mostly fiction, and my mental health is very good and well taken care of recently.

Secondly, please note that if you are struggling with mental health issues, please feel free to message me anytime. Wishing you all the best.)

A young, bright graduate

with a promising future

now sobbing in a waiting chair

in the hospital’s psychiatric ward

Sorry, hon, I know you’ve tried

seven kinds of medicines already

but let’s just try one more

don’t take them all this time

Bloody wrists and vomit

wipe it up, wrap it up

have a panic attack or two in class

go back home and try again

I apologize for the poor quality

of this academic essay

I just started new antipsychotics

because I can’t tell what’s real

The whole world feels greyer

than my defective grey matter

wake me up when something matters

if that day ever comes

Tell me, have you ever blacked out

with no one there to catch you

except the slate-grey concrete

with all its warmth and empathy

Tell me, have you ever floated

in a bubble-filled bathtub

with your head underwater

and wanted to breathe in

How do you think

about a problem

when your problem is

you can’t think right

How do you live

when your life’s over

and you’re got a mangled gouge

where your soul used to be