Future

"Dang, dude. You're killin' it out there

You're gettin' faster and faster, though you may not care,

I seriously think you could be an elite

If you become more dedicated in your runs each week.

You have really picked up speed

Maybe you could even be an Olympian"

Okay, I see my career should be in runnin'

Go to college, get on the track team

Work hard 'til the whole team is behind me

So I dedicate myself to my runs, givin' each mile all that I got

This is my destiny: no way it's not

Don't know how, Lord, but I'll do it to the glory of God

"I see you like flying, listen close

You can become a pilot for real cheap if you join the Civil Air Patrol

Could even join the Airforce

Higher rank, get out real quick, fly commercially

You won't believe what the starting pay will be"

Okay, okay, I see

God's lookin' out for me

Planning on putting me in a job that will pay a lot of money

Hol' up though

What if running's the route He wants me to go?

What if He doesn't want me flying commercially?

What if He wants me in the Airforce?

Does He want me to be prepared for war?

Give my life, posthumously get the medal of honor?

I appreciate the encouragement

But all of these paths, careers, and expectations are screwing with my head

Sometimes they make me think I'm better off dead

All of these expectations are going to crush me

I'm trying to live up to everything you want me to be

As I lay awake at night

My thoughts racing, berating, hating, questioning what choice I'm making

Which career path is right

I hate the uncertainty of my future

I hate this pressure

Don't know my next step

Pray to God to get these thoughts out my head

I hate thinking about the future

I don't want to think about the future

Wish my future was certain

Wish my future was predetermined

I need some guidance

Losing sleep at night as

I think about my future

I need to figure out my future

"Woah, woah, woah. No wonder you want to pursue a career in writing

This story is riveting

I'm guessing that you'll have no problem publishing the first book you write

If you released a book, I just might

Go ahead and buy it"

Thanks, means a lot

Been writing since I was a tot

Always been a dream of mine

To write books and post stories online

Living the good life

With a good wife

In a big home

Writing books alone

In my office, glasses on the edge of my nose

Keeping readers on their toes

Producing three books a year

It's always been my dream career

So thanks for letting me know

My work really shows

"You wrote this? Can't believe it

Do you plan on pursuing a career in music?

These are great, bro

Get a beat, get a flow

And there's no way you won't be widely known"

Thanks. I don't think my songs are that great

But if it's my fate

I'll be more than happy touring the country

Singing songs about my struggles. They really help me

Get through my lowest and darkest times

Expressing in these lines

All of my worries, fears, and struggles

But, wait... what about running? What about flying?

Which careers are mine and which ones are lying

Trying to get me to stray away from what I should be?

I appreciate the encouragement

But all of these paths, careers, and expectations are screwing with my head

Sometimes they make me think I'm better off dead

All of these expectations are going to crush me

I'm trying to live up to everything you want me to be

As I lay awake at night

My thoughts racing, berating, hating, questioning what choice I'm making

Which career path is right

I hate the uncertainty of my future

I hate this pressure

Don't know my next step

Pray to God to get these thoughts out my head

I hate thinking about the future

I don't want to think about the future

Wish my future was certain

Wish my future was predetermined

I need some guidance

Losing sleep at night as

I think about my future

I need to figure out my future

"If God called you to go somewhere else, would you go?

Would you go to a foreign country or would you stay at home?

God's got a plan for us all

Are you going to answer His call?

Even if it means giving up everything you know?

Or are you just gonna say no?"

Yeah, I would go wherever He wants me to go

Nate Saint has always been someone I looked up to

Working towards my pilots license, hoping to get that soon

So if God wants me to be a missionary aviator

That's something I'd do: it ain't out of the picture

"What are your dreams, kid, what do you wanna do

When you're out of highschool?

Are you planning on going to college?

Expand your knowledge

Get a degree

You'd be doin' better than me"

I wanna write, I wanna rap, I wanna fly, I wanna run, I wanna be a missionary

I don't wanna be another guy stuck in a factory

But I'm having a hard time deciphering between my dreams and what everyone expects from me

I wanna make an impact

I want people to look back

Be able to say

"Caleb? Yeah, he was a good guy"

I don't necessarily need to be famous

Not everyone needs to know what my name is

But I want to be remembered for doing something important

I'm meant for something bigger than this

Problem is that I don't know what that is

Because I don't know what path I'm supposed to take

Getting pulled every which way

What am I supposed to do? I don't want to make a mistake

Rubbing my hands over my face

Demons yelling, telling me I'm a disgrace

I'm running through a maze

Everyone's telling me my path's straight

Why am I the only one that sees it ain't?

I'm seventeen, I have a year to make a decision

That will determine the life I'm livin'

If I don't plan ahead

I'll end up in a job that's a dead end

So I sit and stress instead

"You could do this, you could do that

This is something you are good at"

Keep on telling me my potential

My demons laugh as they break down my mental

Cry out to God

What do You want!?

Every time I scream this to Him it seems

Like He ignores and just reminds me of all my dreams

I don't know what any of this means

Hundreds of doors open, I can only go through one

I just wanna be done

I just wanna have fun

But I can't meet everyone's expectations

I know that the decision is mine

That this is my life

That I should pursue my dream career

But I fear

My dreams and expectations have merged

And now I have to look through this mess

And figure out what my future is