DSNG

I keep trying to write about you — but nothing comes out right.

Words crash into each other, jumbling and tangling themselves into distortion.

You confuse me,

confound me,

render me speechless.

You terrify me,

astound me —

leave me shaken.

Thinking about you opens up the floodgates, lets loose memories I didn't think I'd ever want to remember.

The feel of you:

wrapped around me,

curled in my lap.

Your laugh, your smile, your voice.

If this, once again, ends in tragedy — I think it will have been well worth knowing you.

Can I admit something? If only because I need to say it? If only because you need to hear it and know that it's true?

I love you.

And this love? It scares me.

Talking to someone, being with someone? It's never been this easy for me.

You came into my life with a bang, shaking up my beliefs and my view of the world…

(and then you somehow snuck into my heart like a thief in the night)

As I write this, I'm missing you.

It's been awhile, hasn't it? Awhile since I saw you. Awhile since I touched you…awhile since I held you.

Awhile since I kissed you.

I know that none of this matters, that none of it can matter — not while you're with him.

But you're mine — at least, that's what my heart says.

My heart has never been the smartest part of me…

You aren't mine. You're…his.

At least, until you get tired of him and run back to me (again.)

Me, then him, then me, then him. You switch between us with the kind of constant back and forth that only someone who truly doesn't know what they want can accomplish.

And I let you.

Oh, my love. Why do I let you?