what i left unsaid

unaddressed letter, 5.20.20

i am so torn, so conflicted. part of me knows that you’re leaving in 55 days, but the other part of me can’t help but get more and more attached to you. you went camping for 5 days and i missed you probably more than i should’ve, but i couldn’t help it. not only are you my best friend, but you’re also the guy who i’ve had feelings for since forever and they’ve only gotten stronger. the way you kiss me, and whisper into the hollow of my neck, and leave a trail of kisses up my arm, the way you hold me...i don’t think i’ve ever been this vulnerable before. honestly, i don’t think my feelings have ever been this strong before, either.

it’s so strange...there have been several moments, almost like déjà vu, where i feel a distinct certainty that you and i are supposed to end up together. i know it sounds insane, but as i think about it i realize i don’t want anyone else. i want you, and you alone. i even think about all the other guys i’m going to meet in the future when you’re gone and i’m not as excited as i should be because all i wanted for so long was you. [his name here]. i’ve wanted you for around two years, and now that i have you i feel like i won’t ever want anyone else. is that bad? i feel like the worst part about the whole thing is i have no idea if you feel the same way, or if me telling you would make-

end.